Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Ricky Davis; Idiot

Clipper Ricky "Mongoose Quick Rick" Davis has been suspended for 5 games for smoking ganja. He hasn't done shit for the Clip-Show so far even though he is banking $2.3 milli this year and still drinks a bottle of Patron at least 3 times per week.

Which brings me to one of my favorite youtube clips of all time (Basketbawful in tha house). Part of this will make sense, and the other part will cause you to be all like "WTF?" Enjoy:

Nextian Theme Music


If you guys haven't heard of Girl Talk then you've really been missing out. Think DJ-Z Trip's Uneasy Listening on CRACK. So many sweet mashups of Von Waldburg's favorite Hip-Hop songs paired with Hinkey's 80's CD collection. Oh yeah, Girl Talk's "Feed The Animals" placed #24 on Rolling Stone's best albums of the year for 2008.

So here's a "your welcome" in advance for directing you to the artist website where you can download the MP3's HERE. You can throw a few dollars the DJ's way to thank him for the vicious sampling of many awesome songs or just put $0.00 in the honesty box and get the muthafucka for free.

This is the album we'll be rocking at the Nextian B-Ball game in the Spring. It should also be the background music to any NBA game that you are watching where you don't want to listen to the bullshit announcers talk about needless information.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Quality Shots

Check out these full-court and near-full-court Kwahl'Itee Shaughts: http://www.leenks.com/link141042.html. Only if Kevin Love is as good as he was in college, that would really help my Toomie league team. But since this is a Nextians league blog, let me salute myself on trading away Al Jeff for Jamal Crawford & Ron Artest. Then Dirk and DJ Augustin for CP3PO. Look for me in the top 3, but also maybe top 4 or 5 by years end. Big thangs baba

Chris Paul's Sexy Pits

Two hilariously weird CP3 Right Guard commercials dropped this weekend. A combination of laughter and deuce chills engulfed me when I first saw them which had me pre-rank the spots a "7" on the Nextian Scale of Hilarity with further review needed. I then searched the memory coffers and realized that this sh*t was totally ripped off from a combination of the Conan O'Brien Show (mouth put on still picture) and the Lil' Penny Commercials of the '90s (black guy/Chris Rock voice speaking crazy). Therefore, the NSH rank immediately drops to a 4: still funny but ripped off BIG TIME. What do these Ad-Wizards take us for anyway? We're Nextians, goddammit! Anyway, enjoy the spots for what they're worth:



Friday, December 26, 2008

DeAndre Jordan; Clippers Rookie Fatass

The 6'11" 250 lbs Clipper Rookie DeAndre Jordan has a bit of a problem with the team's strength and conditioning coach (props to TrueHoop):

"Rich Williams, our strength and conditioning coach, always gets so mad at me when he knows that I'm eating sweets. Let me tell you something about Rich. Okay look, I'm not the biggest guy in the world at all, but Rich seems to think that I'm going to be overweight when I finish playing basketball. If I'm drinking a Gatorade, he'll take the Gatorade out of my hands and give me water. If we get Krispy Kreme donuts in the morning, he'll take the donut out of my hand and give me a protein bar. Before games, I'll get a little thing of popcorn and hide so I can eat it in peace. Then he'll come out of nowhere, take the popcorn and give me a plate of fruit. He always tells me, "DeAndre, you're going to be 400 pounds when you're finished playing if you eat like this." No way! It's not in my DNA. I don't like Rich."



The Clippers are 8-20 so far this season with top tier players like Baron Davis, Chris Kaman, Marcus Camby and Zach Randolph. Al Thornton and Eric Gordon are promising young players. Though Mike Dunleavy Sr. is a pretty shitty coach and GM, this squad should be better than they are. Maybe, just maybe the Gatorade and Krispy Kreme donuts BEFORE practice could be the problem. Hummm.........

You Build It Up; Then it All Falls Down

Thanks be to Toomie for passing along THIS ARTICLE by the forever funky Rick Bucher. Toomie tried to post it to this blog, but was too lazy to figure out how to make it work. I guess he had some Christmas Shopping to do.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Incredible "Pop" Culture Reference # 63: Riskay

This MUSIC VIDEO by Riskay dropped in early 2008. In case you haven't seen it yet, I'd highly advise heading over to youtube to check it out. Unfortunately, due to the as*holes over at Riskay's record company, we are not allowed to embed this video. The easy to use "push play" function is something I like to provide to all dedicated Nextian readers/viewers. So I can only give you the shitty link above. Sorry.

Shout out to Bilbo Baggins for emailing me this vid. Much love. And much love for destroying that ring by throwing it in the lava in Mt. Doom. You are an incredible furry footed friend.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Simpsons on the NBA

Here are a few clips from last Sunday's episode. It looks like the Simpsons are trying to become relevant again by doing their version of the Sonics takeover.



Ghost/Aliens Update

Dudes and Dudettes: beware as paranormal attacks can happen at any time. And don't let any ghosts lay a log on your back.

Raymond Felton to the Warriors? please no

I saw this article on yahoo sports. This would be the fuckin dumbest trade! The Warriors do NOT need another Guard, WTF! For young talent that they need to develop into good forwards. Does anyone else think this sounds horrible? Didn't Nelly already write this season off as a re-building year? Why fuck up the future to appease the true-point guard nay sayers? Monta will come back....not like he's a true point guard....but c'mon, Felton?! The 'cats brought in Augustin to take his spot, so he decided to play this year a little to stay on the floor......a LITTLE...... : (

Thu, Dec 18 The Bobcats and Warriors have had discussions that could send Felton to Golden State in a trade for Anthony Randolph or Brandan Wright, the Charlotte Observer reports.

Recommendation: Golden State has been searching for a pure point guard since they lost Baron Davis to free agency over the summer.

(Rotowire.com)

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Stuff only Geeks usually know

I got these gems from ThinkGeek.com. If you don't know, now ya know. This isn't about basketball.

Laser Tagging on entire buildings. Some may have seen this schniz already. Been floating around for awhile. But it sure is still baffling my good fellows.


Drum T-Shirt. Screw Rock Band, just wear this shirt.....twice as cool. There are more variations of these t-shirts, including pictures that change colors, etc.


Super Awesome-O 5000 computer keyboard. This is one hell of a keyboard. If you are hugely into computers and slightly nerd-ish, you may dish out the 200 bucks for this bad boy. If you want to see the $1500 model.....google optimus maximus

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Dwayne Wade abuses the Grizzlies

You gotta love this video of Dwayne Wade taking out the future of the Grizzlies in one swift crossover dribble. Talk about pulling the rug out from underneath Rudy Gay and OJ Mayo:



Thankfully, OJ Mayo is currently the top ranked fantasy rookie in basketball. He's even ahead of Rudy Gay. Heck, he's even ahead of Kevin Love (aka "Splash") who Kevin McHale geniously traded OJ for in the pre-season. On a related note, Kevn McHale had his GM title stripped and is now sucking the life out of the Timberwolves from the bench as their coach. Maybe someday Love will learn that the McHale up and under move. Then we can call it the Love Up and Under. But probably not.

Monday, December 15, 2008

NBA Quiz

How many can you NBA teams can you list in 3 minutes? I missed 3 teams and spent 40 seconds racking my brain trying to figure out who they were. Post a comment on how well you did. I bet Pablo gets 7 right.

And no re-doing the test. One time only!

PLAY HERE

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Holy Crap. I need to find a way to get this.........

Many of the thousands of Nextians who read this blog probably enjoyed my "Darko Has Anger Issues" post from a few days back. Well, Mr. Milicic's game worn, ripped jersey is now up for auction at the NBA's charity site. Holy Crap!!

Currently the high bid sits at $606. If there's a more frivilous spending of greenbacks out there (aside from bailing out GM) I haven't seen it. But I am -thisclose- to saying "fcuk it" and throw down the credit card to help the needy kids of St. Jude Hospital. Dang, this would really make my life complete. Well, nearly complete. When Monta finally returns to the Dubs things would be more complete-er.

Kevin Garnett: Dickhead

KG has always been one intense dude. The primal screams, the non-stop effort and an insatiable will to win have always been his trademarks. But has KG become a total dickhead? After winning the championship with the Celtics last year he has done some strange things this season during games. Recent posts show how he made the Big Baby Davis cry on the bench during a recent matchup. And in early November I posted a video of KG clapping in the face of Jose Calderon (since it was an old post, here's what I'm referring to):



But take a look at the brief glimpse of Garnett getting down on all 4's to taunt rookie PG Jerryd Bayless of the Portland Trailblazers last Friday. To me, this firmly classifies his Dickhead Factor as "Completely Over The Top":



Turd, the Crazy Points for your team just keep adding up.

Friday, December 12, 2008

LA Gear

Twenty years ago, LA Gear hit the ground running. They put tons of dollars into marketing strange looking sneakers with a combination of Air Jordan and Keds influences. Heck, even Magic Johnson was pimping these fu-fu kicks. Speaking of fu-fu:

Well, LA Gear is back with twenty year anniversary kicks that have a striking similarity to the Air Jordan III's (in both price and look).

And if you don't remember what made LA Gear so amazing, it was their commercials that their marketing department no doubtedly claimed as "next level" and "forward thinking".

LA Gears will get you laid!



And this commercial gives LA Gear some serious "street" cred for guys who play basketball at night (drunken Markwith):

Thursday, December 11, 2008

The Belinelli Show!

So, I went to the $10 ticket game (more like $18 after all fees, sweet!) I posted about, and how sweet it was. This was a close game at half, Warriors were up 5 points, 55-50. Then, they were only up 1 at the end of 3. For some reason Nelson decided to go with Turiaf and Belinelli for almost the entire 4th Quarter, not the mention the 2nd half. He must have had an extra Whiskey on the rocks last night at halftime, but it sure did pay off.

Johnny and I were thinking what the hell is going on with Crawford and Biedrins on the bench! Especially since I'm so used to Crawford's dope stats on now 2 of my fantasy teams...fuck! Anyway, this turned out to be The Belinelli Cometh! I've heard he can do the things I saw last night, but have never witnessed them as Nelson never plays his ass. Beli was driving under control, no look dishing, hitting shots from all over the floor, it was great. This was the most poised and confident I have seen him in a Warriors uniform. The Dubs ended up dominating the 4th Quarter 37 to 15 to win in classy fashion 119-96....2 in a row baby. I hope Nelson remembers this night in his drunken stupor and thinks to put Beli in more often.

Also, in case you didn't see Belinelli's night capped off by his behind the backboard, Michael Jordan-like shot, which appeared as number 7 on last night sports center top 10, take a look at this awesomely made video I found on Youtube:


Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Darko has Anger Issues

First, check out this video of Darko after an Euro League 2007 Serbian defeat:



Don't worry. I translated and all of his statements were pretty much right on. Except for when he said he wanted to bang a ref's wife. The actual translation was that he wanted to have the sex with the ref's mom. But no biggie.

Now check out the video link of Darko getting mad last night for getting his 4th foul and RIPPING HIS JERSEY IN HALF!

Funny thing was that he was actually having a good game against Yao! Poor Darko.

Nene Abuses The Kings

Did anyone else witness Nene dunking three times in a row on the hapless Sacramento Queens on Saturday? I guess with Brad Miller as your center you're not gonna get a lot of toughness underneath the basket. Yeah, Miller had 0 points, 5 boards, and a very helpful steal in the game. Queens lost 118-85



In related news, I am enjoying B-Mill on my Nextians fantasy squad. Could this be why I am in 12th place by 10 points? Mostly.

$10 Warrior Game Tickets 12/10/08 vs. Bucks

Yeah, uh huh, yeah.

200 Level tickets worth $65 are being sold for $10 each tomorrow morning at 9am. There are only 200 of these tickets being sold, so if you want one I'd suggest being on this site at 8:55am tomorrow with your right index finger ready to click:

http://www.nba.com/warriors/index_main.html

The offer is on the left under "single game tickets"

Monday, December 8, 2008

D. Rose Loves Dem Apples

Jeff, nice find. I have to admit that your amazing post was the first place I heard of this story. If that isn't a sign that I've been working too much I don't know what is. Thankfully, for Timmay and his Chicago loving ass, D.Rose is playing tomorrow night. So enjoy this photoshopping:



And for Christmaskah, I would like to send Derrick this:

Really?

From www.rotoworld.com
_______________________________
Derrick Rose reportedly needed 10 stitches in his arm after cutting himself with a knife on Monday morning.
WSCR-AM (670) first reported that Rose rolled over onto a knife he was using to carve an apple while in bed.

________________________________

dudes the next OJ guaranteed.

Hulu Monday

Here's an incredible video that has nothing to do with basketball. If you can believe it, this was brought to me by fellow Nextian Anthony Rossi who is far from an internets maven and will likely never see this post on a blog created for his fantasy sports league that he won't respond to a trade in. What a dickhead.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Glen "Big Cry Baby" Davis

I've always been curious about how Glen "Big Baby" Davis of the Boston Celtics via LSU got his nickname. But that fleeting mind question has easily escaped with distractions of sandwiches, light beer and/or porn combined with the fact that I could give a sh*t about his overweight, bench riding ass. But then the highlights of Glen getting chewed out by KG in the middle of last Thursday's Celtics vs. Raptors game surfaced and the reason for his nickname became clear: Dude's a pussy.



In other NBA nickname news, Matt Bonner, newly assigned starting center of the San Antonio Spurs, is called "Red Rocket". Bonner.........Boner.........Red Rocket.........canine erections. Damn, I'm smart.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Does This Article Turn Anyone Else On?

I had our receptionist in the office read this article and she said she got pretty turned on. Let me know what you think:

"After the game nearly the entire Cavs team stayed in the shower area for an hour. They were leaning against walls, sitting on counters and enjoying adult beverages all in towels. They were talking, making fun of each other, hanging out. It may seem like normal locker room behavior, but it isn't. Maybe these guys go hang out with each other in groups after the games at restaurants or their houses. But in my six years covering the Cavs I'd never seen that after a game. You have to preface everything you say about these Cavs with 'it's still early,' but I have not seen chemistry like this before. The season is long, trying times are certainly ahead, but the team is more than just winning, they are enjoying doing it with each other."

Maggette Not Paying Off for Warriors

While he may not be bad enough to go below the Curry Line, Corey Maggette may not be all he was made up to be for the Warriors:

The Eddy Curry Line was established to put a spotlight on how truly anemic Curry's overall fantasy line is. The standard: a player must average more turnovers than assists, steals, and blocks combined – in order to qualify, a player must have appeared in at least half of his team's games and averaged at least 20 minutes of playing time.

Chris Mannix, Inside the NBA blogger for SI, wrote:

Corey Maggette has proved to be a prolific scorer throughout his 10-year career. What he hasn't proved to be, however, is much else. Golden State's third-leading scorer this season (19.7 points), Maggette has become the Bay Area's black hole.

Five games, five Golden State losses and a more than 2:1 turnover-to-assist ratio. Maggette's selfish play hasn't gone unnoticed by other players. According to sources, after the final buzzer against Boston, Celtics forward Kevin Garnett turned to Maggette and shouted, "Way to get your numbers."

"He just puts his head down and goes to the basket," an Eastern Conference scout said. "He doesn't even look to pass."

Word from team sources is that the Warriors are already regretting signing Maggette to a five-year, $50 million deal last offseason. When Monta Ellis returns to the lineup early next year, Golden State will have to figure out how to spread the wealth among three players (Ellis, Jamal Crawford and Maggette) who aren't very good at spreading it.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Recent NBA-Centric YouTube Clips

While scouring the intranets today for 11 minutes I ran across a few excellente YouTube Clips:

Here's an infomercial on The Mutombo Arm (what I want for Christmas):



A strange cover of Billy Ocean's Caribbean Queen involving Brian Scalabrine:



And the uber dandy video called "The Assassination of Michael Jordan by The Coward Kobe Bryant"

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Game Predictions: Carmelo Anthony 12/2/08


Quick prediction by your Cammish: So Carmelo Anthony was hurt last game by aggravating his sore right elbow. It was so sore that he couldn't shoot, dribble, lift his toddler so Kiyan, or tip back his 40 oz in his car right before he turned on the ignition to drive home. This game was on Sunday (two days ago), by the way.


Melo missed the first two games of the season as apart of his team imposed suspension for drunken driving last season. In his first game back he shot 5/15 from the field and hasn't looked back since. His shooting percentage so far is 39.9%.

10 bucks says that Melo shoots under 30% tonight. My only caveat is that he must at least hoist 5 shots before calling it quits and going on the IR. Thankfully, I have Melo on my fantasy basketball team.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Macrophenomenal Kobe



(Below is excerpted from Free Darko's The Macrophenomenal Pro Basketball Almanac. It is about Kobe Bryant, from the chapter on "Master Builders", a group "For whom dominance has become a truism.")
---
Check the resume—it's absolutely impeccable. A 6'6" shooting guard with limitless physical tools, a hell-bent perfectionist, he works tirelessly to condition his body and enhance his game. He's fearless in the clutch, voraciously competitive, and serious to the point of bleakness.

You couldn't script a more stellar career, or offer up a stronger candidate for the league's all-around finest. And yet no superstar has cut a stormier path than Kobe Bean Bryant. Kobe may be the Great American Shooting Guard—and indeed, he has spent his whole life aspiring to this kind of abstract dignity. But just as Moby Dick defines our national literature despite its rollicking imperfections, Kobe's drives and desires have made him equal parts pristine legend and unwieldy mess of humanity.

Paired with Shaquille O'Neal, Kobe was supposed to bring on a new Lakers golden age—and he did, once Hall of Fame coach Phil Jackson stepped into the scene. However, Kobe and Shaq could not have been more different, and eventually clashed because of it. The world saw the three-peat, but inside the Lakers, tensions came to a simmer, especially when Shaq's conditioning and work ethic flagged. Many read this as Kobe's ego crying out, dying to take control of the team. But it was just as likely his deep-seated sense of justice.

A certain duality has always been present in his game: Kobe is both the league's smartest player and one of its most impulsive. Once, Bryant was a propulsive slasher with an uncommon midrange game. Now, when he's met by a defender, the curtain rises on an interaction of frightening detail and determination. Only Tim Duncan is as adept at milking every single square inch of space, in a precise, Terminator-like assessment of complex obstacles. But for Duncan, the action's near the basket, and the shots—aided by Duncan's height—tend to resolve into something fairly routine. Kobe, operating all over the floor, doesn't take the simple shot, throw up prayers, or gamble on his pride. He figures out how to make the impossible shot viable, going out of his way to demonstrate his superiority.

During the Lakers' lean years, Bryant struggled with his own inability to make an inferior team into a winner. In May 2007, after being ousted in the first round of the playoffs yet again, Bryant exploded, telling any and all media outlets that he wanted out of L.A. Rumors abounded, and several important-sounding meetings took place, but that fall Kobe was still a Laker. He was chummier than ever with his teammates, and had made a point of reaching out to Bynum, who suddenly blossomed, before being waylaid by injuries. The Lakers swung a one-sided deal for Memphis big man Pau Gasol and suddenly possessed the West's most imposing line-up, taking them straight to the Finals.

What exactly had happened between spring and fall? Had Kobe lost control, let out his frustration, and then thought better of it? Was it all a Machiavellian public relations coup on the part of Bryant, who ended up getting the help he wanted? Had he set foot in camp and instantly realized that Bynum was ready to contribute? Did he actually feel betrayed by the organization, emotionally wounded, or just irritated that they'd impeded his still-vital career?

We'll never know the real answer. But most likely, there's a grain of truth in all corners. And that's why Kobe Bryant would fascinate us even if he weren't the world's best basketball player. For in addition to his mastery of basketball—the kind of catch-all supremacy that's led him to pick up Duncan's bank shot—Bryant's also a study in what happens when the drives and desires of greatness fly off the rails and exposes all of its inherent contradictions. To his detractors, Kobe Bryant is Dracula: a spooky, inhuman being that gets s**t done. Starstruck fans regard him as the epitome of glitz, glam, and accomplishment. In truth, he's that most stormy, and mortal, kind of great man. If Shaquille O'Neal always represented Superman, then Kobe's been the Dark Knight: vulnerable, but all the stronger for it.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Oakley Blades: High Fashion, High Function

Without fail, every NBA season brings up some type of new fashion trend. AI came into the league in 1996 and made tatting up your entire body the most hardcore thing to do. Ever. A few years ago the extreme re-emergence of the headband made white guys look super goofy. Now NBA hippies who wear their hair long go for the Über metro hairband. The clear plastic face mask has been used to protect mugs for a few years now. But Rip Hamilton played so well with it on that he wears it to this day even without facial injury. Last year brought about a trend that has made sense. The Hexpad protection is all over the NBA and actually saves the asses of guys who get undercut on a layup and land in a death defying way. About three years ago brought on the completely useless and super feminine leggings that Kobe rocked super hard all year long. Thankfully Commish Stern banned these damn things even though shooting sleeves are still allowed in the league for some insane reason. At least nobody in the Association is wearing a goddamn long sleeve shirt under their uniform. That is left to this one idiot on the Oklahoma Sooners.

The early trend in this young NBA season has been the new eyewear that is starting to pop up. Amare got fingered in his eyehole at practice earlier in the year and started the safety trend of wearing super awesome Oakley Blades during the game.


Amare ditched the Blades for good when he torched the hapless Pacers without them in early November. Thankfully, Vladamir Radmanovic decided to cop STAT's style and moved forward with slamming his eyeball on Carmelo Anthony's finger so that he could wear his own Oakley Blades with a super sweet Blu Blocker tint. Dude, being able to see the court in full Blu Blocker effect has got to be some sort of huge advantage.

What's next? I'm guessing that super baggy necklines on jerseys will be all the rage by All Star Break.

I'll see you guys later. I gotta go make some money on the beach.

Thanksgiving Eve: Enjoy Seeing Assholes Tonight!

It's the strangest night of the year tonight on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. The one Wednesday of the year (unless New Years happens to fall on a Wednesday) where it's completely OK to get shithoused and hang out with people in your hometown who you would never bother making an attempt to see at any other time of year. It's a hometown/highschool reunion that you willingly participate in even though you probably derive very little enjoyment from the experience. And since you're back home away from your crappy starter home or shitty rented apartment, enjoy either crashing on your buddies mom's couch or on a hide-a-bed that your family still has in their house with the same He-Man sheets you remember from 4th grade that you made your mom buy because you wanted your new friend Jimmy to think you were cool and totally into He-Man even though you didn't own Castle Greyskull and actually enjoyed playing with your She-Ra Princess of Power and Prince Adam figures more than Cyclopes and Battle Cat (you fag). You know you're not getting "your room" because Aunt Millie and Uncle Bud are sleeping in there and they are old and deserve the comfort of your shitty old bed. Hopefully all Nextians are taking the Friday after Thanksgiving off from work because the only thing that makes this holiday any more strange after seeing hometown hero assholes on Wednesday and bullshitting with your uncles over the awesome Lions/Titans game on a hung over Thanksgiving is having to wake up and go to work on Friday, for fuck's sake.

Thanks to this excellent ONION article for the inspiration to write the same thing they did.

Artest is Nuts

Not that any of us really needed more evidence on this fact. So please enjoy an episode of Ron Artest: Behind the "Artist" (thanks to BallDon'tLie)

Friday, November 21, 2008

Crawford to the DUBZZZZ

You have probably already heard, but it looks like Jamal Crawford will be headed to the Warriors for Harrington. Is anyone else excited to get rid of that low % shooting, 3-ball hoisting ninja turtle? I sure am, and for an established scoring, 3-point swishing guard. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Wire Wednesdays: Racial Harmony

One of the great things about The Wire is the racially diverse cast. Blacks and whites getting along, what a novel concept. It also happens to be Obama's favorite television show. Speaking of that guy, what happened to all this change he preached? The only people that he is putting in his cabinet and on his staff are Clinton retreads. That is not why we elected him.

In the meantime enjoy the superior drunkenness of The Bunk...

Weekly Free Throw % update

It looks like Bilbo's (Raping Indiana) squad is currently holding down the last place spot for FT% in league We's Gots Next.

How do you plan on winning when punting a whole category?!?! hahahha.

Face?

Monday, November 17, 2008

Ghost/Aliens: Author Trey Hamburger on the Radio

Author Trey Hamburger was recently on the radio talking about Ghosts/Aliens:

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Michael Jordan Loses a Game of 1 on 1

"Don't be mad at me, I'm just too good for you. Y'all think I had this camp just so y'all could beat me?" That's what His Airness said right before he lost a game of one-on-one to Ariel Investments CEO and Chairman John Rogers at his "Flight School" basketball camp back in 2003. Thanks to Basketbawful for posting this video on their delicious website.

Drinking in Wisconsin: The Timmay/White Cocoa Edition

Some of you know that our friend Timmay grew up in Wisconsin. I read This Article in the New York Times which gave me some more insight into why Mr. Rogers is the way that he is. Could it be because minors are allowed to drink in bars?

EDGERTON, Wis. — When a 15-year-old comes into Wile-e’s bar looking for a cold beer, the bartender, Mike Whaley, is happy to serve it up — as long as a parent is there to give permission. “If they’re 15, 16, 17, it’s fine if they want to sit down and have a few beers,” said Mr. Whaley, who owns the tavern in this small town in southern Wisconsin.

Does his disdain for authority stem from the lenient drinking and driving laws that Wisconsin offers?

Drunken drivers in Wisconsin are not charged with a felony until they have been arrested a fifth time. Wisconsin law prohibits sobriety checks by the police, a common practice in other states.



I went to church with Tim once and he brought in a 12er. I thought he was crazy but now his actions make a little more sense.

In Wisconsin, people often say, there is always a bar around the next corner. But drinking is scarcely limited to taverns. A Friday fish fry at a Wisconsin church will almost surely include beer. The state counts some 5,000 holders of liquor licenses, the most per capita of any state, said Peter Madland, the executive director of the Tavern League of Wisconsin.

I hope we all feel like we now know a fellow Nextian just a little bit better. And that is a good thing.

Kobe with Jackass

Here's one of those "viral" videos that Nike put out to celebrate the release of The Hyperdunks. This is a strange & entertaining look into what Kobe considers cool and funny:

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Sheed's new tattoo...

If you got a tattoo of your daughter, would you make her cans that big? Crazy points for team Jerk Store!

Friday, November 14, 2008

Had to post this, it's a classic......

....Look at young Jim Rome calling Jim Everette, Chris Everette, as in the female tennis player. Jim Rome sure has some balls, as I'm sure Jim Everette would kick the living sh*t out of him......wait, I can't tell if he does, the video stops!




In other News:

The Dow Jones plunges on reports of the Dow Jones plunging....haha, the Onion.

Your Weekend Movie: Hoop Dreams

Thanks to things like Nextflix/Blockbuster and Hula.com watching movies is easier to do than ever before. So please take 2 hours and 51 minutes of your time this weekend to watch a few kids obsess about the NBA in the classic documentary Hoop Dreams (thanks to TrueHoop for the idea).

Greatest Draft Ever

I got this idea from an article on ESPN (not Simmons Had, don't worry).

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/dailydime?page=dime-081114

In 20 years, which draft will be considered the greatest ever? The article narrowed it down to three: 1984, 1996 or 2003.

1984:

#1 pick: Hakeem "The Dream" Olajuwon



#3 pick: Michael Jordan



#5 pick: Charles Barkley



#16 pick: John Stockton




1996:

#1 pick: Allen Iverson



#5 pick: Ray Allen



#13 Kobe Bryant



#15 Steve Nash



#33 Moochie Norris




2003:

#1 pick: Lebron James



#3 pick: Carmelo Anthony



#4 pick: Chris Bosh



#5 pick: Dwyane Wade




For the record, my vote is 2003.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

2001 Sutter Home Shiraz

My favorite part of the day is when I get a student in my office caught drinking a 2001 Sutter Home Shriaz straight from the bottle during lunch. Best part about it is homeboy stole it from the liquor store from my school and it was all caught on tape. The tape was really funny. Wouldn't you steal something better?

Let's Get Political: Post Obama Syndrome

Hilarious video from The Onion. This may be what Timmay has been suffering from:

For those of you Devout Christians (Bilbo)

Look! It's okay to still be totally horny when you are married....as long as you are only horny for your wife/husband. Guys show this link to your ladies, it will be sure to bring them out of that "I'm married now and don't have to give it up as much" funk!

http://christiannymphos.org/

how did i miss this

i love shaq pushing t-mac. yao even falls in slow motion.




first calderon and KG, now barnes and the rockets. my team is a bunch of badasses. all i need is nate robinson to flip out.

(apologize if the video doesnt work. cant f'ing figure out why.)

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Wire Wednesdays: Markwith has a bomb edition

This is pretty much what I imagine it is like everyday for Nextian Turd Ferguson. These scenes are from season 4 where The Wire takes on the failings of the Baltimore public schools. Pretty amazing that they got such a great group of child actors considering I had to watch Hayden Christiansen mess up Star Wars. They should have made Darth Vader black!




Boom-Dizzle and CB4 trying to be funny

Check out Bosh and Baron trying to be funny. They should probably stick to basketball.

Stephen Jackson For Mayor

Here's the excerpt on "Mayors" from the book I've been constantly touting. I'm trying to get a merchant link from Free Darko or Amazon so that I can make $4 when Jeff and Markwith buy it from The Nextians.

Why Melo Cut His Hair

If you haven't noticed, Carmelo Anthony cut his dredlocked do' for the start of this season (after a 2 game suspension from last year's DUI). Here is the reason why:

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

KG: Superdick

Thanks to Basketbawful for posting this video of KG being a bit too intense. One of the Raptors should have hauled off and hip-checked The Big Ticket. What a douche.



By the way, I heard this game was pretty incredible. I'm about three internal conversations with myself away from dropping $89.95 for the broadband league pass and never working past 4:30 pm again. What, come into work earlier to leave earlier? Are you crazy?

Rasheed Wallace Profile



Name: Rasheed Abdul Wallace

Spirit animal: Egyptian mongoose

What he gives us: A role player's attitude with a superstar's game.

Why we care: At some level, everybody wants to strangle somebody else.

Notable remark: "Some people say I'm mean and this and that. On one hand that's cool. That keeps away all the riffraff and all the bugaboos."

Distinguishing marks: On his right arm is a tattoo depicting Akhenaton, the pharaoh who introduced monotheism to ancient Egypt by worshiping the sun god Ra.

Knowledge seed with no jewelry on: After winning the 2004 NBA title, Rasheed made WWE-style belts for himself and his Pistons teammates.

While Kevin Garnett and Dirk Nowitzki are generally given credit for reinventing the power forward position over the past 15 years, Rasheed Wallace's contributions are too often overlooked. At a full 6 feet 11 inches, the incredibly athletic Wallace runs the floor like a guard and possesses an unblockable jump shot, with a range that's out past the 3-point line. And unlike many of the big men who have followed in his path, Wallace's skills aren't limited to the perimeter; he has a complete post game with an array of back-to-the-basket moves and is one of the best post defenders in the league. During one NBA on TNT broadcast, Charles Barkley and Kenny Smith flummoxed host Ernie Johnson by insisting that Wallace could be one of the top five players in the league if only he really applied himself.




Wallace's reluctant dominance made him a perfect fit for the Detroit Pistons, a team of ballsy, hardheaded vets whose swagger was a collective effort. When he arrived there in 2004, he found a team of kindred souls—a bunch of castoffs with boulder-size chips on their shoulders and enough resources to get them to the Eastern Conference Finals the season prior. Rasheed put them over the top, solidifying their interior defense and finally giving them a dependable offensive weapon in the post. More importantly, Chauncey Billups' early work in cultivating his reputation as "Mr. Big Shot," along with Ben Wallace's bulging biceps and throwback Afro, was more than enough to keep the attention off Rasheed. When the Pistons pulled off a shocking 4-1 upset of the Lakers to bring home the title and Wallace was celebrated as the missing puzzle piece who had made it all possible, it was a part he enthusiastically embraced. While he may not always be humble or servile, Sheed's greatest pride is reserved for team, rather than individual, success.



From: The Macrophenomenal Pro Basketball Almanac

Weekly FT% Update

I'll start posting these every Tuesday on the blog for all the world to see.

Matt Hyland, a.k.a. Team Kwahl'Itee Shaughts is currently in last place in FT% with a whopping .733 percentage. His team is trying to rally around Dwight Howard, who went 13-20 from the line last night. Shaq managed to go 3-5, which is an improvement.

Matt, have your team watch this instructional video on shooting free throws with your eyes closed:


Monday, November 10, 2008

Brandan Wright is a Gelfling


By popular demand, I'm posting my theory that Branden Wright is in fact, a gelfling. I've added a couple more images to help prove my point:













Keep these images in mind the next time you watch B-Wright play.

Cool stuff on Ebay

This is my lastest purchase.


Maybe one day I'll give this to my son and he'll say "Who the hell is Chris Mullin?"

The Free Darko Book

Hopefully Amazon ships this thing soon because this book is going to be amazing. Here's page 1 of the Kobe excerpt:

New NBA Tattoo

One of our favorite NBA'ers just got a new tattoo. Thanks to the guys at Wizards Insider:


Arenas has decided to show his permanent support of President-elect Barack Obama with a tattoo. Arenas had the words "Change We Believe In" tattooed onto the fingers of his left hand in cursive writing. Then, Gilbert showed the outside of his pinky finger, which had "44" inked on it.


Arenas shortened Obama's campaign slogan, "Change We Can Believe In," choosing not to add ink to his thumb. Arenas has "change" written on the outside of his index finger; "we" on the inside of his middle finger; "believe" on the inside of his ring finger; and "in" on the inside of his pinky and "44" on the outside of his pinky. In case you didn't already know, Obama will be the 44th POTUS.

Arenas said he went down to Miami to have his favorite tattoo artist stitch him up after the Wizards arrived in Orlando late Friday night. He didn't explain how he got there -- Miami is an hour flight or three-hour drive from Orlando -- and I was too shocked by the tattoo to ask a follow-up question. All that I could say was, "You've got a lot of free time, don't you?"


Could Gilbert's hand-too be better than the current #1 seed in the NBA Tattoo department? Probably not but it sure sounds crazy.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Mr. Double Double (with cheese)

Thanks to Golden State of Mind for this lovely piece of artwork that I'm sure team White Chocolate will print out and thumb tack to the thumbtackable wall of his office cube that Tha Man so happily provides him. Timmay is the proud owner of the 12th ranked player in all of fantasy basketball, Mr. Andris Biedrins. Aside from long walks on the beach, Tim also enjoys looking at Andris' stats in between answering emails from his prospects and using the corporate credit card to buy beef jerky. The 6th round is a nice time to get a center who does nothing but put up double-doubles on a nightly basis. Two all-Latvian beef paties with special sauce, please!


Saturday, November 8, 2008

Stack Jack for Mayor

You heard it here first. Stack Jack makin' love to pressure all the way to City Hall:

Nextians at Dubs Game: 11/7/08

4 Nextians manned/sacked up and made their way to rOracle for the Warriors vs. Grizzlies game. The Dubs looked to avenge their loss in Memphis earlier in the week and our crew was doing all it could to cheer the Wardogs to victory. Props to Matt, Toomie, Bilbo and yours truly (Cammish) for making time for fun.


Bilbo emptied his closet and outfitted the crew in Warriors Jerseys. Matt got the Stack Jack jersey, I rocked the 15 year old Spree Jersey, and Jamesbo kicked it with the Mullin retro. Cammish/I got up in the aisle during one of the timeouts and made it onto the flex cam. Why do I keep posting photos of myself wearing tank tops when my pipes are about as undefined as when I was a toddler? Some questions are better left unanswered.

The light beers were tasty, the tailgate doggs on Bilbo's mini-Q were delish, and the fun had was scrumptious. But no matter how hard we cheered, drank, or flexed our biceps we could not will the Warriors to victory. Well, at least Anthony Randolph got in the game and looked pretty solid.
We had such a good time that we promised to throw another Nextians event soon. Clear your schedules because there's NBA shenanigans to be had.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Let's Get Political

I have a good idea on the political beliefs of most Nextians. Let's just say that we are very diverse and a few of us are some weird ass mofos.

Tuesday's Election obviously brought out a lot of emotion from many people. If you weren't emotional in some way (good or badd) then there's obviously something wrong with you. Either that or you're a robot/machine. Sex Machine? I digress.........

I was reading THIS ARTICLE in the NY Times which immediately caused me to youtube Oprah's show where she's prentending like she's not praying for a cabinent position and hunt for the clip of the infamously oblivious Sherri Shepherd of Barbara Walters' "The View" fame.



Unintentional Comeday Scale: 9/10 at least. Crazy Points? 8/10

Sherri Shepherd saying that she liked Palin because she also has a child with needs is like Matt saying that he supported McCain because they are both bald. No Limitations!!!

Epic Game Ending 11/6/08: HOU v POR

This game was on National TV so I'm guessing that all Nextians saw what happened. Well, everyone but Anthony, Pablo and Hinkey who don't like watching awesome basketball games and would rather be playing indoor softball or bowling with funny clothes on. This re-cap is for them. Take a look at the last 41 seconds of OT in this SportsCenter recap: T-Mac's double-clutch, Roy's turn around with 1.9 left, Yao's 20 foot and-one, and Roy's 35 foot game winner with 0.8 left.

The NBA: IT'S FAN-DIDDLY-TASTIC!!!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Association Pictures and Observations: 11/5/08

Stevie Franchise showing his support.........while not suiting up again.

Pretty cool picture of D-Wade taking Iggy off of a Udonis pick. But I'm more mystified by the lack of crowd in Miami. Where are all of their awesome fans in white t-shirts we saw back in '06?

Do you think K-Mart always throws the Bugs Bunny teeth while dunking?


KG knows that "ANYTHING'S POSSIBBBBBLLLLE!" and endorsed the President Elect on his sneaks.

Wow, here are some good game faces from B. Wright and JR Smiff.

If you take away the old/new basketball in Bosh's left palm it looks like Chris and Rasheed are dance-fighting the Capoeira.

It's official: Birdman is not a good NBA ballplayer as Biedrins owned him last night. Thankfully, his tatoos are epic.

Shaq asked Kobe how is ass taste. Baron drops the follow up jam titled "Kobe, How My Nutz Taste?"

K-Mart is about .4 seconds away from getting slapped in the face by AB.

I love how Amare is wearing Oakley Blades during the games this year. So fresh. A shout out to the excellent Pacer defense last night (Amare went for 49).

Another Reason to Love Arenas

Aside from his wacky personality and exceptional ballin' skillz, the lengendary Gil-Zero I shoes by Adidas complete Gilbert's legacy as an all around basketball icon for the ages.

We all know that becoming a legend on the basketball court is 50% skill, 25% personality and 25% shoes. And Gilbert Arenas and his Gil-Zero I's do not disappoint. OK, I know the Gil-Zero II's kinda suck because they only made them in lowtops and there is actually a Looney Toons version but the G-I's are classic. Heck, even Jordan made a badd shoe every now and then.

So if you are in need of some new kicks, join your Cammishoner and pick up a pair of Gil-Zero's in your preferred colorway at Eastbay dot com. If you purchase from THIS LINK I'll make 5% since I just signed this humble blog up as an affiliate of Eastbay. I have two pairs of the Gil-Zero Juans and they are the most stunning and durable hoops kicks I've ever owned. Enjoy owning your opponent on the court!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Iverson Talkin' Bout Practice Again

Joe Dumars averaged 4.7 assists per game during his illustrious 14 year career. He set AI up nicely here at his first press conference as a Detriot Piston:



If AI is in Detroit making jokes, why the heck can't Chauncey Billups make it out to rOracle tonight to play with his new team as they lose to the Warriors? Methinks there's something going on in the Billups camp with this trade.

Highest Paid Sportsman in the World is..........

NOT Tiger Woods, it is Lewis Hamilton. Who the F'n hell is Lewis Hamilton you ask? He is a 23 year old Formula 1 driver who just won the World Championship race. And, he is boning the lead singer from Pussy Cat Dolls. Son of a bitch....all this at 23! What a limey bastard. Well, I'm happy for him, but he probably still has jacked up grillz!
"Lewis Hamilton will become the world's highest-paid sportsman after becoming the youngest driver to win the Formula One world championship last night.

The 23-year-old Briton can expect to earn a minimum £100million a year following one of the most exciting finales to a race the sport has ever witnessed.

This far eclipses the £31million that David Beck ham earned last year and even surpasses the £72million earned this year by Tiger Woods."

Wire Wednesdays: Election Day

The following scene comes from season 4 of the Wire when they shifted from tackling the war on drugs to focusing on politics and the education system. It features Dennis "Cutty" Wise, reformed muscle for the local drug trade, jogging through the streets of Baltimore(to a sweet jam) and witnessing the events of that day's local election.

Monta Could Ask For Release

Sports Writer for the SJ Mercury News Tim Kawakami usually has a good read on the internal happenings of Warriors management and players. I just hope he's wrong about Ellis in This Blog Post.

If Warriors new President Robert Rowell flexes his muscles and tries to void Ellis' contract if and when he comes back simply because Rowell doesn't think Monta is playing like the $60 Million Man they signed, the Dubs would be digging themselves a huge hole for many years. If this happened, why would any major free agent ever want to come to Tha City and play at rOaracle with management like this? And where is GM Chris Mullin in all of this?

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Nextians Book Club, Installment 1

Installment #1 in the Nextians Book Club comes to us from author Trey Hamburger. Trey brings us a true story of his recent struggles with ghosts/aliens stemming from a floating Hot Pocket incident his friend Derek had. It's a magical tale much like the one of his cousin Robert Hamburger who released the controversial "Real Ultimate Power" adventures detailing the feats of ninjas and rhinos some four years ago.

Please read the recent press release by Trey and enjoy his masterpiece. Available on Amazon.

Dear amigos and amigas,

I have discovered some major shit.

And it has something to do with Ghosts/Aliens. Now wait, before you start scoffing, think about it for a second. There has got to be some shit out there that nobody can explain. And I’m not talking about the two guys who went looking for UFOs, discover a pick-up truck FULL of Mexicans, and ended up getting into a huge fight. I’m talking about REAL Paranormal Activity.
Maybe you never realized you were searching for something like that, but consider this: What about the time you heard some dude moan and there were no moaning dudes around? Or what about the time you were at a stop light, and you saw this owl just sitting there, and it mouthed your name.

At this point you might be asking why someone like myself has suddenly acquired an intellectual curiosity after a lifelong passion for non-intellectual endeavors, like jerking my gherkin. Well, listen to this. Me and Mike Stevens have interfaced with a dude who might be from another dimension, or India. And if that doesn’t convince you, Derek Wood is willing to give personal testimony that he has witnessed a TELEPORTING HOT POCKET.

I have collected my studies over the past week titled GHOSTS/ALIENS so you guys will have proof of what I’m talking about. (I’m not a dude who just says stuff. Trust me, if I were making this shit up, I would be saying it was 10 Hot Pockets Floating, NOT ONE.) If you want to help out, then check out http://www.ghostsaliens.net/ for combat tips and end-times notices. Also, if you have a buddy that might be interested in this type of thing, make sure to tell them too.

Thank you and farewell,

Trey Hamburger, amateur scientist/pressure-point expert “cousin” of Robert Hamburger email: realultimatepower@hotmail.com

P.S. If you don’t hear from me again, I’m probably stuck in a trans-dimensional cheese web.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Iverson for Billups

As you all have hopefully heard by now as serious SportsCenter and NBA addicts, The Nuggets traded Allen Iverson (White Chocolate) to Detroit for Chauncy Billups (Jerk Store), Antonio McDyess (available on waivers!), and some loser. With Iverson's contract being over at the end of this year, Dumars is setting his position up nicely for "The Summer Of Lebron" where at the conclusion of the 2010 season the following ballaz will be free agents:

LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh, Amare Stoudemire, Ray Allen, Tyson Chandler, Manu Ginobili, Richard Jefferson, Joe Johnson, Tracy McGrady, Yao Ming, Steve Nash, Dirk Nowitzki and Michael Redd

Meanwhile, the Nuggets are getting the wiley veteran Chancey Billups who can figure out how to pass the ball to Melo (Monta's Moped) and JR Smith (Raping Indy) more often. Cha-Ching!

So who is the winner in this trade? You may have an opinion but it's actually impossible to tell based based on normal things like "stats", "leadership" and "contracts". But if you break it down into more important factors, a clear winner is decided.

Category 1: Who is More Popular?
This is tough question for Nextians to answer as we all know AI and CB equally as well. Heck, I know that at least 4 of us have AI's rookie card, mint condition. But if you look at it based on what common folks think (aka "losers), you learn that Allen Iverson has had the 3rd best selling jersey of the last 10 years. Billups doesn't even crack the top 10. And being that jersey sales are a clear indication of popularity, AI gets the point in category #1.

Category 2: Who has the Best Shoes?
Both of these all-league PG's have had their own shoe for some time now. Albeit, AI has had "Tha Iversons" by Reebok since his rookie season while Billups has only been on Adidas for a few years now. But let's take a look at their recent models

AI's:

Billups':

Maybe this decision is personal since I wouldn't put a pair of Weeboks on my feet to play basketball if my adult league title depended on it. But I think it is obvious choice here are the Chauncey Adidas. Score tied: 1-1.

Category 3: Who earns more Nextian Crazy Points?

Billups is a pretty normal dude. I couldn't find anything "crazy" in his past other than being a perfect gentleman and a championship ring owner. After going through 184 pages of Google Images the "worst" picture I could find of CB was this one of him looking happy in the NBA finals:


Meanwhile, AI has been arrested many times. He beats people up, has been involved in drug deals, and makes rap albums that he can't release because they are too raunchy (check out the song "40 Bars" by "Jewels" on the link):

The all important Crazy Points go to AI. Our winner is Allen Iverson of the new and improved Detroit Pistons!

What this amazing analysis shows us is that Detroit will come out much further ahead than Denver when this thing is all said and done. The evidence is undisputable. Congratulations to Joe Dumars and the city of Motown.