Thursday, April 30, 2009

Boycott Popeye's

It's hard to feed your family when Popeye's runs out of free chicken.

Bracket Update: Overrated Hornets

I don't think this is Melo's fiance LaLa, the mother of his son Kiyan. An MTV VJ skank perhaps?

You know the Hornets were overrated by everyone when not one NBA "Expert" Nextian Bracket participant chose the Nug-Show to win 4-1. You would think that with a 2 seed playing a 7 seed that a 5 game victory by the 2 seed was a possibility, right? Well, the closest anyone got was a Nugget victory in 6 games. Chalk this mindbender up to a victory stew of Chancey actually knowing how to play in playoff games, further justification that AI wasn't a good fit for the Nuggets, Melo finally manning up, The Birdman flying, K-Mart's extreme defense, and the Hornets not playing like a team/giving up on their coach (Sportsguy). Here are the new standings:

18: Toomie
17: Matt
16: Scott S.
14: Cam
13: Nate, Bilbo, Fed, Nikki , Ryan, Todd, BK
11: Pablo, Straino

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Playoff Bracket Update; The Spurs Fall

In honor of D-How getting bent over and suspended for Game 6 vs.'s a Nextian Bracket Update:

The idea of someone perfectly predicting the entire NBA Playoffs has been destroyed. While 4 Nextians had the foresight and gall to call the 6th Ranked Mavs over the 3rd Ranked Spurs, nobody went so far or was so bold to say that the Mavs would take those old, injured assholes down in 5 games. Toomie and Matt aced the Lakers and Cavs and have one lowly minus point for picking the Mavs series to end 4-2. Congratulations, bitches. Now if only the 76ers can win the next two games and beat the Magic, Straino can get his ass back in this thang:

14 Points: Toomie, Matt
13 Points: Ryan, Scott Snider
11 Points: Pablo
10 Points: Nate, Cam
9 Points: Bilbo, Fed, Nikki, Todd BK
8 Points: Straino

Monday, April 27, 2009

Kobe's Relentless Self Promotion

This day long "documentary on Kobe's REAL life" looks like it was written, acted in, and edited by Kobe Bean Bryant. Contrived as fuck? Fuck yeah. Even the "Daddy For MVP" signs were probably made by Kobe earlier that morning (and I'm pretty sure I commented on those same signs nearly a one year ago).


But is Kobe so good that he can actually contrive how he plays during the game? Did he try extra hard that day to look like a really good teammate in the locker room and on the bench? If only Lamar Odom was my buddy and I could ask him. Then my life would finally be complete.

Nextians Playoff Challenge of Next: Rankings

Hello Nextians and Friends. The playoffs are off to a super sweet start and sure have been exciting. Rondo v Rose is going to be an awesome rivalry for years to come. The Denver Nuggets now know how to play some pretty kick ass defense. The Spurs are super old even though Parker is amazing. So many things we have learned and we're not even close to finishing the 40 games in 40 nights!

With the Cavs sweeping the Pistons yesterday a points update is due. Now 13/13 people smartly picked the Cavs to beat the Pistons in either a 4-0 sweep or a 4-1 "too much respect for the old assed Pistons". Therefore we currently have a giant tie for 1st and another huge tie for 9th:

4-0 Cavs = 5 full points:
Ryan, Matt, Nate, BK, Scott Snider, Toomie, Tullis, Cam (me)

4-1 Cavs = 4 points (5 for the correct 1st round pick, minus one for the incorrect choice):
Nikki, Bilbo, Fed, Straino, Pablo

More to come later this week as all 1st round matchups will be complete.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Cavs Playoff Commercial

Let's give a shout out to our first first round playoff winner- The Cavaliers from the beautiful city of Cleveland:

Anything with Delonte West being himself is something that I need to watch over and over again. What an interesting individual.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

NBA Playoff Commentary

NBA TV should hire these guys for post-game analysis. They're spot on. Cheerio:

More Blazers "Rap"

A few months back I posted a youtube of some old TrailBalzers promo rap music. This one appears not to be as old but is still funny as hell. Bust a bucket Dan Reed, whoever the heck you are. Enjoy your "front row seat". Douche:

Wait, Dan Reed's not technically a Douche, per se, but simply a gay rights guy. Sadly, this rap is as big as he ever got:


Wednesday, April 22, 2009

"More Than A Game" Trailer

October 2nd 2009 drops a limited release documentary following Lebron James' basketball team from when they were in 5th grade through the National Championship as Seniors in High School. I didn't actually know that High School Hoops had a National Championship but I'm sure we'll learn everything we needed to know after watching this.

10/2/09 = Nextian Field Trip to the Movies?

Ron Artest of The Rockets

Here's Ron Artest in a radio interview a few days ago after The Rockets' game 1 win over the Balzers. I advise listening to this but if you can't, here are the awesome bullet points:

  • Ron's feet hang off of hotel beds
  • A lot of people, including RonRon, like breakfast at midnight
  • The 48 year old Dikembe is playing like an All Star (he got hurt last night and retired an hour later after the game)
  • Ron and Kevin Mart --of the Kings-- are good buddies
  • If The Rockets make it to the 2nd Round, RonRon will get the entire team to rock the mo-hawk
  • Aaron Brooks is the smallest person in the NBA according to Arest
  • Kevin Garnett has a lot of mind control over his team
  • RonRon doesn't take it day by day, or even minute by minute. He takes life possession by possession
  • Artest watches Blues Clues before going to bed
  • Ron just gets off the line, dead air, for about 30 seconds to eat his vitamins
  • RonRon's vitamins are actually of the Flinstone Chewable category
  • Artest wears velvet barbed wire pattern Versace boxers
  • According to Ron Artest, you've got to respect your opponent otherwise Golden State beats Dallas
  • Von Wafer will be an All-Star one day.........if he wants to (WTF?)
  • The vitamins that Artest eats before bedtime are actually that of the Flintstone Chewable category. He doesn't eat the lady vitamin, or the man. He only eats the car.
  • Artest has tried to get Shane Battier to read him a story before bed but Battier won't do it

Now THAT was awesome. Artest = pure entertainment.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Erica Dampier Speaks

Shaq once referred to Dampier as a woman nicknaming him "Erica". But after Erica Dampier's comments about how he will treat Tony Parker on Thursday, he is either the toughest talking chick in the WNBA or he has retained the right to his birth name of Eric.

"Every time he drives the lane, we have to put him on his back," Dampier said, according to The Dallas Morning News. "The first foul has to tell him he's in for a long night. My first foul Thursday night is going to put him on his back," Dampier said. "I guarantee it."

Here are Skip and Jemele debating if Damp's statements were a good idea on today's Cold Pizza, I mean, 1st and Ten:

Friday, April 17, 2009

Bracketology: Cam's NEXT Predictions

Just so nobody can say that I cheated when I ace this entire bracket, here are my (Cam/The Nextian/Game Coordinator) choices for the challenge. Although I can easily change the time stamp of this post please trust me that this was done a few minutes before midnight on Friday, 4/17/09. Roughly 9.5 hours before Ben Gordon lights up the Celtics.

2009 NBA Playoff Betting Challenge of Rad!

Alright: the contest I've always talked about is finally here! The Nextian NBA Playoff Challenge. Yeah! Sweet!

Please click on, enlarge and print out the attachment to get your official Nextian bracket. You must have it completed by Saturday 4/17/09 by 9:29 am Pacific time. The Celtics/Bulls tip off at 9:30 am tomorrow morning. You can either email ( or fax completed brackets to me at 415.883.2553 so that I can get everyone's date stamp. One bracket per person. Buy in is $10 and we'll have a 1st and 2nd place payout. Incredible.

The rules are as follows: write in your winner of each matchup. Next to their name, write what you think the final results were for that matchup. For example: if you think the Lakers are going to destroy the Jazz in Round 1 with the Jazz only winning one game, write "Lakers" and then (4-1) next to their name. Do this for the winner of every matchup through the finals.

You will get 5 points for correct 1st round predictions, 10 points for correct conference semi-finals predictions, 15 points for the conference finals and 20 points for picking the NBA Champion. Points will be deducted from your round score based on how many games you were off for the series. So if the Lakers take it in game 7 and win 4-3 while you predicted 4-1, you will get a -2 since you were two games off. Your score for that matchup would be 5 minus 2 equals 3. Get it? Nice work genius.

Please send your $10 buy-in to me at:
21 Commercial Blvd., Suite 4
Novato, CA 94949

Thanks for the memories and good luck on predicting NEXT

Monday, April 13, 2009

Someone Who's NEXT

John Wall got next. Although he hasn't yet declared, John Wall will probably be in a Duke uniform next year. Guys are calling him a smoother Derrick Rose. You decide if he's indeed Next. Here's video from this weekend's Hoop Summit:

John Wall is gon' getcha from Tim Brown on Vimeo.

Friday, April 10, 2009

The NBA and Money

This post will be the first of at least a few that will look at the most humanizing aspect of our beloved NBAers: Skrilla. Windfalls of contract cash have led many-a-athlete to write $250,000 checks on a whim for bogus hotel projects, restaurants, and lame inventions. Not to mention their boys from back in the day and semi-close family members holding their hands out for any stray c-note that is in pocket.

This Cliff Robinson post may be a bit out of order at this point and I may move things around (and delete this sentence) before my research is complete. But isn't it curious that the former Trail Blazer / Sun / Nugget / Warrior / Piston / Participant in the 1994 All-Star Game is the main guy behind Big Baller and is having Shaq prop his "Ebay for Ballers" on Twitter?

In all honestly, Big Baller Registry might be a good business idea. I'm sure that those who have extra cash floating around will be interested in owning a recently retired Baller's Bentley. Recently retired Baller now realizes that he has no more $100K/week checks coming to him as he must downsize his lavish mansion and save his now rocky marriage because his lifestyle wife is not used to living like a normal person (see: any Real Housewives episode on Bravo Network).

But having the Shaqtus pimp your website on his THE_REAL_SHAQ Twitter ID screams of "I really need to make more money. I forgot to save, invested in unfit businesses and am now broke as I haven't received a paycheck since May of 2007." And this makes me feel bad for Uncle Cliffy Robinson. Here's what I believe went through his mind as he started off on his Big Baller Registry website:

"I made tons of skrill and gave away & spent most of it all. I no longer receive checks from an NBA owner. I had to sell my crib with a pool, my whips, my watercraft, my jewelry and even my suits. This wasn't easy to do and I feel like I got ripped off on each transaction. But at least I now have some flow in the bank which should hold me over for a 8-10 months. I know many other retired NBA peers who had to sell their gear and are in similar circumstances as me. There should be an easier way to sell your over the top toys. Shit, I'm going to start a website where I'll be the middle man and make 5% on every transaction. Oh hells yeah. Pass the blunt!"

Thursday, April 9, 2009

The NBA's Great Eccentric

My favorite NBAer is back in the game and back in the news. Next year for Gilbert, my dear Nextians, will be awesome. Gil-Zero will be back with a vengance. If you haven't heard, Gil-Zero won't be blogging and based on his few games so far this season, he won't be taking his typical "quality" shots. But he will be leading a team of Antwan Jamison, Caron Butler and Andray Blatche (ha!) to a probable 6 seed in the East. And undoubtedly Gil will have a sweet low top basketball shoe with Adidas. Is Gil crazier than ever? Maybe he's actually chilled out and unsure of his abilities after being away from the game for so long? Regardless of where it's coming from, Arenas is the most fascinating player in the NBA. Check It:



Tuesday, April 7, 2009

The Self Assist

Troy Murphy's self assist falls somewhere between Darius Miles' shot at the opponent's basket to get a rebound for his triple double and T-Mac's backboard pass to highlight reel dunk. It's definitely goofy and defintely white. But this move does have it's place in the game. Nice work Mr. guy who I used to drink and play pool with at Bayside:

Stephen Jackson Rapping

Ron Artest should sign SJax to his "Tru Warier" label with these excellently indeciperable micsmanship skillz:

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Douche Chills

I'm pretty sure this guy will never make a dime doing comedy. I also hope his boss at the furniture store he works at sees this youtube and fires him for being a non-funny idiot.

How long did you make it through before wanting to bitch slap this guy? So sorry he had to go see Lebron play basketball. And I'm very sad that he was distracted by food vendors and Cavs/Lebron paraphernalia. Such a big basketball fan he is by yearning for the sound of a swish and squeak of the Chuck Taylor All Stars on the hardwood. If only there actually was a time machine I could shove his face in....I'm sure his son would be very happy.

Nellie's a Gangsta

Don Nelson has been described as a lot of things (think fat drunk/awesomely unorthodox coach) but never before has he been called a "Gangsta". Preach, oh TMNT Harrington as seen in HoopsWorld-

"Nellie's a gangsta," Harrington said with a big smile. "He just does whatever he wants."

Harrington went on to imply that the Warriors' players would have been happier had Nellie stepped down and assistant coach Keith Smart stepped into the lead role.

"Coach Smart, I think he would've been a great coach there when they had a chance to make a change," said Harrington. "Guys were really looking forward to getting to play for him if Nellie did step down."

TMNT Al, I wish you the best in landing a contract next year that pays you anywhere near what you're getting now. Thankfully he's no longer able to steal Anthony Randolph's minutes.