Ricky Davis; Idiot

Clipper Ricky "Mongoose Quick Rick" Davis has been suspended for 5 games for smoking ganja. He hasn't done shit for the Clip-Show so far even though he is banking $2.3 milli this year and still drinks a bottle of Patron at least 3 times per week.

Which brings me to one of my favorite youtube clips of all time (Basketbawful in tha house). Part of this will make sense, and the other part will cause you to be all like "WTF?" Enjoy:

Nextian Theme Music

If you guys haven't heard of Girl Talk then you've really been missing out. Think DJ-Z Trip's Uneasy Listening on CRACK. So many sweet mashups of Von Waldburg's favorite Hip-Hop songs paired with Hinkey's 80's CD collection. Oh yeah, Girl Talk's "Feed The Animals" placed #24 on Rolling Stone's best albums of the year for 2008.

So here's a "your welcome" in advance for directing you to the artist website where you can download the MP3's HERE. You can throw a few dollars the DJ's way to thank him for the vicious sampling of many awesome songs or just put $0.00 in the honesty box and get the muthafucka for free.

This is the album we'll be rocking at the Nextian B-Ball game in the Spring. It should also be the background music to any NBA game that you are watching where you don't want to listen to the bullshit announcers talk about needless information.

Quality Shots

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Chris Paul's Sexy Pits

Two hilariously weird CP3 Right Guard commercials dropped this weekend. A combination of laughter and deuce chills engulfed me when I first saw them which had me pre-rank the spots a "7" on the Nextian Scale of Hilarity with further review needed. I then searched the memory coffers and realized that this sh*t was totally ripped off from a combination of the Conan O'Brien Show (mouth put on still picture) and the Lil' Penny Commercials of the '90s (black guy/Chris Rock voice speaking crazy). Therefore, the NSH rank immediately drops to a 4: still funny but ripped off BIG TIME. What do these Ad-Wizards take us for anyway? We're Nextians, goddammit! Anyway, enjoy the spots for what they're worth:

DeAndre Jordan; Clippers Rookie Fatass

The 6'11" 250 lbs Clipper Rookie DeAndre Jordan has a bit of a problem with the team's strength and conditioning coach (props to TrueHoop):

"Rich Williams, our strength and conditioning coach, always gets so mad at me when he knows that I'm eating sweets. Let me tell you something about Rich. Okay look, I'm not the biggest guy in the world at all, but Rich seems to think that I'm going to be overweight when I finish playing basketball. If I'm drinking a Gatorade, he'll take the Gatorade out of my hands and give me water. If we get Krispy Kreme donuts in the morning, he'll take the donut out of my hand and give me a protein bar. Before games, I'll get a little thing of popcorn and hide so I can eat it in peace. Then he'll come out of nowhere, take the popcorn and give me a plate of fruit. He always tells me, "DeAndre, you're going to be 400 pounds when you're finished playing if you eat like this." No way! It's not in my DNA. I don't like Rich."



The Clippers are 8-20 so far this season with top tier players like Baron Davis, Chris Kaman, Marcus Camby and Zach Randolph. Al Thornton and Eric Gordon are promising young players. Though Mike Dunleavy Sr. is a pretty shitty coach and GM, this squad should be better than they are. Maybe, just maybe the Gatorade and Krispy Kreme donuts BEFORE practice could be the problem. Hummm.........

You Build It Up; Then it All Falls Down

Thanks be to Toomie for passing along THIS ARTICLE by the forever funky Rick Bucher. Toomie tried to post it to this blog, but was too lazy to figure out how to make it work. I guess he had some Christmas Shopping to do.

Incredible "Pop" Culture Reference # 63: Riskay

This MUSIC VIDEO by Riskay dropped in early 2008. In case you haven't seen it yet, I'd highly advise heading over to youtube to check it out. Unfortunately, due to the as*holes over at Riskay's record company, we are not allowed to embed this video. The easy to use "push play" function is something I like to provide to all dedicated Nextian readers/viewers. So I can only give you the shitty link above. Sorry.

Shout out to Bilbo Baggins for emailing me this vid. Much love. And much love for destroying that ring by throwing it in the lava in Mt. Doom. You are an incredible furry footed friend.

Simpsons on the NBA

Here are a few clips from last Sunday's episode. It looks like the Simpsons are trying to become relevant again by doing their version of the Sonics takeover.

Ghost/Aliens Update

Dudes and Dudettes: beware as paranormal attacks can happen at any time. And don't let any ghosts lay a log on your back.

Raymond Felton to the Warriors? please no

I saw this article on yahoo sports. This would be the fuckin dumbest trade! The Warriors do NOT need another Guard, WTF! For young talent that they need to develop into good forwards. Does anyone else think this sounds horrible? Didn't Nelly already write this season off as a re-building year? Why fuck up the future to appease the true-point guard nay sayers? Monta will come back....not like he's a true point guard....but c'mon, Felton?! The 'cats brought in Augustin to take his spot, so he decided to play this year a little to stay on the floor......a LITTLE...... : (

Thu, Dec 18 The Bobcats and Warriors have had discussions that could send Felton to Golden State in a trade for Anthony Randolph or Brandan Wright, the Charlotte Observer reports.

Recommendation: Golden State has been searching for a pure point guard since they lost Baron Davis to free agency over the summer.

(Rotowire.com)

Stuff only Geeks usually know

I got these gems from ThinkGeek.com. If you don't know, now ya know. This isn't about basketball.

Laser Tagging on entire buildings. Some may have seen this schniz already. Been floating around for awhile. But it sure is still baffling my good fellows.


Drum T-Shirt. Screw Rock Band, just wear this shirt.....twice as cool. There are more variations of these t-shirts, including pictures that change colors, etc.


Super Awesome-O 5000 computer keyboard. This is one hell of a keyboard. If you are hugely into computers and slightly nerd-ish, you may dish out the 200 bucks for this bad boy. If you want to see the $1500 model.....google optimus maximus

Dwayne Wade abuses the Grizzlies

You gotta love this video of Dwayne Wade taking out the future of the Grizzlies in one swift crossover dribble. Talk about pulling the rug out from underneath Rudy Gay and OJ Mayo:



Thankfully, OJ Mayo is currently the top ranked fantasy rookie in basketball. He's even ahead of Rudy Gay. Heck, he's even ahead of Kevin Love (aka "Splash") who Kevin McHale geniously traded OJ for in the pre-season. On a related note, Kevn McHale had his GM title stripped and is now sucking the life out of the Timberwolves from the bench as their coach. Maybe someday Love will learn that the McHale up and under move. Then we can call it the Love Up and Under. But probably not.

NBA Quiz

How many can you NBA teams can you list in 3 minutes? I missed 3 teams and spent 40 seconds racking my brain trying to figure out who they were. Post a comment on how well you did. I bet Pablo gets 7 right.

And no re-doing the test. One time only!

PLAY HERE

Holy Crap. I need to find a way to get this.........

Many of the thousands of Nextians who read this blog probably enjoyed my "Darko Has Anger Issues" post from a few days back. Well, Mr. Milicic's game worn, ripped jersey is now up for auction at the NBA's charity site. Holy Crap!!

Currently the high bid sits at $606. If there's a more frivilous spending of greenbacks out there (aside from bailing out GM) I haven't seen it. But I am -thisclose- to saying "fcuk it" and throw down the credit card to help the needy kids of St. Jude Hospital. Dang, this would really make my life complete. Well, nearly complete. When Monta finally returns to the Dubs things would be more complete-er.

Kevin Garnett: Dickhead

KG has always been one intense dude. The primal screams, the non-stop effort and an insatiable will to win have always been his trademarks. But has KG become a total dickhead? After winning the championship with the Celtics last year he has done some strange things this season during games. Recent posts show how he made the Big Baby Davis cry on the bench during a recent matchup. And in early November I posted a video of KG clapping in the face of Jose Calderon (since it was an old post, here's what I'm referring to):



But take a look at the brief glimpse of Garnett getting down on all 4's to taunt rookie PG Jerryd Bayless of the Portland Trailblazers last Friday. To me, this firmly classifies his Dickhead Factor as "Completely Over The Top":



Turd, the Crazy Points for your team just keep adding up.

LA Gear

Twenty years ago, LA Gear hit the ground running. They put tons of dollars into marketing strange looking sneakers with a combination of Air Jordan and Keds influences. Heck, even Magic Johnson was pimping these fu-fu kicks. Speaking of fu-fu:

Well, LA Gear is back with twenty year anniversary kicks that have a striking similarity to the Air Jordan III's (in both price and look).

And if you don't remember what made LA Gear so amazing, it was their commercials that their marketing department no doubtedly claimed as "next level" and "forward thinking".

LA Gears will get you laid!



And this commercial gives LA Gear some serious "street" cred for guys who play basketball at night (drunken Markwith):

The Belinelli Show!

So, I went to the $10 ticket game (more like $18 after all fees, sweet!) I posted about, and how sweet it was. This was a close game at half, Warriors were up 5 points, 55-50. Then, they were only up 1 at the end of 3. For some reason Nelson decided to go with Turiaf and Belinelli for almost the entire 4th Quarter, not the mention the 2nd half. He must have had an extra Whiskey on the rocks last night at halftime, but it sure did pay off.

Johnny and I were thinking what the hell is going on with Crawford and Biedrins on the bench! Especially since I'm so used to Crawford's dope stats on now 2 of my fantasy teams...fuck! Anyway, this turned out to be The Belinelli Cometh! I've heard he can do the things I saw last night, but have never witnessed them as Nelson never plays his ass. Beli was driving under control, no look dishing, hitting shots from all over the floor, it was great. This was the most poised and confident I have seen him in a Warriors uniform. The Dubs ended up dominating the 4th Quarter 37 to 15 to win in classy fashion 119-96....2 in a row baby. I hope Nelson remembers this night in his drunken stupor and thinks to put Beli in more often.

Also, in case you didn't see Belinelli's night capped off by his behind the backboard, Michael Jordan-like shot, which appeared as number 7 on last night sports center top 10, take a look at this awesomely made video I found on Youtube:

Darko has Anger Issues

First, check out this video of Darko after an Euro League 2007 Serbian defeat:



Don't worry. I translated and all of his statements were pretty much right on. Except for when he said he wanted to bang a ref's wife. The actual translation was that he wanted to have the sex with the ref's mom. But no biggie.

Now check out the video link of Darko getting mad last night for getting his 4th foul and RIPPING HIS JERSEY IN HALF!

Funny thing was that he was actually having a good game against Yao! Poor Darko.

Nene Abuses The Kings

Did anyone else witness Nene dunking three times in a row on the hapless Sacramento Queens on Saturday? I guess with Brad Miller as your center you're not gonna get a lot of toughness underneath the basket. Yeah, Miller had 0 points, 5 boards, and a very helpful steal in the game. Queens lost 118-85



In related news, I am enjoying B-Mill on my Nextians fantasy squad. Could this be why I am in 12th place by 10 points? Mostly.

$10 Warrior Game Tickets 12/10/08 vs. Bucks

Yeah, uh huh, yeah.

200 Level tickets worth $65 are being sold for $10 each tomorrow morning at 9am. There are only 200 of these tickets being sold, so if you want one I'd suggest being on this site at 8:55am tomorrow with your right index finger ready to click:

http://www.nba.com/warriors/index_main.html

The offer is on the left under "single game tickets"

D. Rose Loves Dem Apples

Jeff, nice find. I have to admit that your amazing post was the first place I heard of this story. If that isn't a sign that I've been working too much I don't know what is. Thankfully, for Timmay and his Chicago loving ass, D.Rose is playing tomorrow night. So enjoy this photoshopping:

And for Christmaskah, I would like to send Derrick this:

Really?

From www.rotoworld.com
_______________________________
Derrick Rose reportedly needed 10 stitches in his arm after cutting himself with a knife on Monday morning.
WSCR-AM (670) first reported that Rose rolled over onto a knife he was using to carve an apple while in bed.

________________________________

dudes the next OJ guaranteed.

Hulu Monday

Here's an incredible video that has nothing to do with basketball. If you can believe it, this was brought to me by fellow Nextian Anthony Rossi who is far from an internets maven and will likely never see this post on a blog created for his fantasy sports league that he won't respond to a trade in. What a dickhead.

Glen "Big Cry Baby" Davis

I've always been curious about how Glen "Big Baby" Davis of the Boston Celtics via LSU got his nickname. But that fleeting mind question has easily escaped with distractions of sandwiches, light beer and/or porn combined with the fact that I could give a sh*t about his overweight, bench riding ass. But then the highlights of Glen getting chewed out by KG in the middle of last Thursday's Celtics vs. Raptors game surfaced and the reason for his nickname became clear: Dude's a pussy.



In other NBA nickname news, Matt Bonner, newly assigned starting center of the San Antonio Spurs, is called "Red Rocket". Bonner.........Boner.........Red Rocket.........canine erections. Damn, I'm smart.

Does This Article Turn Anyone Else On?

I had our receptionist in the office read this article and she said she got pretty turned on. Let me know what you think:

"After the game nearly the entire Cavs team stayed in the shower area for an hour. They were leaning against walls, sitting on counters and enjoying adult beverages all in towels. They were talking, making fun of each other, hanging out. It may seem like normal locker room behavior, but it isn't. Maybe these guys go hang out with each other in groups after the games at restaurants or their houses. But in my six years covering the Cavs I'd never seen that after a game. You have to preface everything you say about these Cavs with 'it's still early,' but I have not seen chemistry like this before. The season is long, trying times are certainly ahead, but the team is more than just winning, they are enjoying doing it with each other."

Maggette Not Paying Off for Warriors

While he may not be bad enough to go below the Curry Line, Corey Maggette may not be all he was made up to be for the Warriors:

The Eddy Curry Line was established to put a spotlight on how truly anemic Curry's overall fantasy line is. The standard: a player must average more turnovers than assists, steals, and blocks combined – in order to qualify, a player must have appeared in at least half of his team's games and averaged at least 20 minutes of playing time.

Chris Mannix, Inside the NBA blogger for SI, wrote:

Corey Maggette has proved to be a prolific scorer throughout his 10-year career. What he hasn't proved to be, however, is much else. Golden State's third-leading scorer this season (19.7 points), Maggette has become the Bay Area's black hole.

Five games, five Golden State losses and a more than 2:1 turnover-to-assist ratio. Maggette's selfish play hasn't gone unnoticed by other players. According to sources, after the final buzzer against Boston, Celtics forward Kevin Garnett turned to Maggette and shouted, "Way to get your numbers."

"He just puts his head down and goes to the basket," an Eastern Conference scout said. "He doesn't even look to pass."

Word from team sources is that the Warriors are already regretting signing Maggette to a five-year, $50 million deal last offseason. When Monta Ellis returns to the lineup early next year, Golden State will have to figure out how to spread the wealth among three players (Ellis, Jamal Crawford and Maggette) who aren't very good at spreading it.

Recent NBA-Centric YouTube Clips

While scouring the intranets today for 11 minutes I ran across a few excellente YouTube Clips:

Here's an infomercial on The Mutombo Arm (what I want for Christmas):



A strange cover of Billy Ocean's Caribbean Queen involving Brian Scalabrine:



And the uber dandy video called "The Assassination of Michael Jordan by The Coward Kobe Bryant"

Game Predictions: Carmelo Anthony 12/2/08

Quick prediction by your Cammish: So Carmelo Anthony was hurt last game by aggravating his sore right elbow. It was so sore that he couldn't shoot, dribble, lift his toddler so Kiyan, or tip back his 40 oz in his car right before he turned on the ignition to drive home. This game was on Sunday (two days ago), by the way.

Melo missed the first two games of the season as apart of his team imposed suspension for drunken driving last season. In his first game back he shot 5/15 from the field and hasn't looked back since. His shooting percentage so far is 39.9%.

10 bucks says that Melo shoots under 30% tonight. My only caveat is that he must at least hoist 5 shots before calling it quits and going on the IR. Thankfully, I have Melo on my fantasy basketball team.