Friday, July 30, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
But wait! Through The OG Nextian's amazing Internet scouring ability (there I go doucheilly talking about myself in the 3rd person again like King6 LBJ) I have FOUND THE STORY AND A PICTURE FROM THAT STORY! Actually, it wasn't that hard. But I now await legal action from LBJ's attorney. But no lame injunction letter from a lawyer will stop me from posting whatever I want! That is, until Google takes down The Nextians and suspends my account. Bring it on, SuperCorps. This entire blog is backed up on WordPress and on a 1T hard drive. The Nextians will never die. Anyway, enjoy the douche chilling article and peep some comments at the end:
LeBron James leans against a waist-high stone wall with a 16-foot-tall Buddha hovering over him.
He's at Tao, a bustling restaurant and nightclub inside the Venetian hotel and his arms are crossed as he listens to Lynn Meritt, Senior Director of Nike Basketball, and Charles Denson, President of Nike Brand talk.
James is quiet, occasionally applying Chap Stick on his lips and nodding his head when he hears something he likes.
Five security guards are stationed around him, one at each corner of the table he's about to sit at and another roving around with him, watching his every move. Anyone who takes two steps towards him is stopped and must have James' approval to come further.
The waiter bringing him his cup of green tea with a spoonful of honey and a dash of lemon juice makes the cut, as does the scantily clad brunette with a tattoo of a heart on her right shoulder.
She wants to take a picture with him. "I can't right now," says James. "Maybe later, upstairs, I'll remember you're the one with the tattoo."
James will host a party later in the upstairs nightclub at Tao, but he is currently hosting a dinner for his friends and family in the downstairs restaurant. Wearing a grey striped shirt and gold crucifix around his neck, he bobs his head to music played by an amped-up saxophonist who weaves his way around the table like a one-man mariachi band.
I have somehow found myself at this exclusive table, seated beside Eddie Jackson, who is introduced to me as James' father (though he actually began dating James' mother, Gloria, after LeBron was born and the two are no longer together). Jackson, wearing a muscle shirt accentuating his large biceps, looks like a member of James' four-man entourage, like one of his childhood friends.
James' circle includes Randy Mims, seated to his right at the center of the table, Maverick Carter, seated at the head of the table, and Richard Paul, seated in front of James. The quartet makes up the initials behind LRMR Marketing, the management firm James founded almost four years ago with his buddies. Their offices in downtown Cleveland gained notoriety earlier this month as the location teams flocked to for their meetings with James.
Seated to the right of James is Chris Paul, whose brother, C.J., is seated across from him. The New Orleans Hornets point guard reportedly has seen how James has positioned himself to win a championship by signing with the Miami Heat and joining forces with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh, and has reportedly considered a similar move himself.
The truth is, in James' dream world, the duo he would love to play with for the next decade would be Wade and Paul, his two closest friends in the NBA. Paul has been like a brother to James since the two were in Las Vegas four years ago for USA Basketball training camp, when as a rookie he carried James' and Wade's bags to and from the team bus.
James and Paul are fairly quiet at the center of the table as they take in the scene around them. As family style plates of miso-glazed Chilean sea bass and crispy lobster and shrimp dumplings are brought to the table, James effortlessly picks up the food with his chopsticks and occasionally raises his cup of green tea to passersby as they raise their martinis and mojitos in his direction before being helped along by security guards.
When trays of desert plates are brought over, James gets up, preferring to start his party upstairs instead of indulging in the giant fortune cookies and chocolate cake. A security guard comes over and puts plastic wristbands on our wrists and escorts us through the back of the restaurant, up a flight of stairs in the bowels of the hotel and through a back entrance into the club. About a dozen security guards, moving their flash lights, direct us to a roped off section on the dance floor of Tao next to a couple of apparently nude women in a bathtub full of water and rose petals.
James, now wearing sunglasses in the dark club, immediately stands up on the couch and folds his arms high on his chest and nods his head back up and down. He smiles as he looks at the dozens of people crowded on the dance floor. Noticing him, they stop dancing and snap pictures as the DJ screams out, "LeBron James in the building!" and plays LMFAO's "I'm in Miami."
Carter, LeBron's' childhood friend and manager, begins dancing around James like Puff Daddy in a Notorious B.I.G video. A giant red crown-shaped cake is brought over to James while go-go dancers dressed in skimpy red and black outfits raise four lettered placards that spell out, "KING." Carter grabs a bottle of Grey Goose and pours a quarter of it on the floor and raises it up before passing it off.
James' infamous one-hour special, "The Decision," was reportedly the brainchild of Carter, a 28-year-old who has never managed anyone outside of his friend James. This three-day party marathon in Vegas (which James is being paid six figures to host) is also Carter's idea.
Bottle after bottle of "Ace of Spades" champagne is delivered to the table by a waiter flying down from above the dance floor like some overgrown Peter Pan on a wire. One time he's dressed like a King, another time like Indiana Jones and another in an a replica of James' Number 6 Miami Heat jersey.
James, who can hardly see the flying figure through his tinted glasses, almost gets kicked in the head on the waiter's last trip down. He looks at the girls around him and says, "I wish they'd have one of these girls with no panties do that instead of the guy."
Towards the end of the night, Celtics center Glen Davis walks past James' party and looks at the scene up and down several times like a painting in a museum, soaking in the images of the go-go dancers, the "King" sign and the costumed man delivering bottles of champagne.
Davis shakes his head and walks on.
James dances on the couch and sings along with the music blaring from speakers all around him.
The more you hang around James, the more you realize he's still a child wrapped in a 6-foot-8, 250-pound frame. The night after the party at Tao, he and his crew walk through the casino at the Wynn and Encore and he pretends to dribble a basketball as he walks past ringing slot machines and tourists who do double-takes. In a Nike T-shirt, jeans and sneakers, James' pantomime seems unconscious. He stops every few feet to shoot a jump shot, his right hand extended above his head on the follow through. He weaves through a pack of a dozen friends and pretends to connect on a lay-up as he walks past a gift shop. He passes overhead casino signs and jumps up and slaps them, pretending to dunk. Columns covered with advertisements for lounge acts become stationary defenders, chumps to fake out before connecting on imaginary mid-range jump shots.
James probably goes through a practice's worth of shots as we walk from the XS nightclub at Encore (James left his poolside table when he saw the club was practically empty), through Wynn and over the bridge to the Pal***o.
Soon after arriving at Lavo, a restaurant and nightclub at the Pal***o, a scene straight out of West Side Story breaks out when James and Lamar Odom, seated at a nearby table, engage in an impromptu dance-off to California Swag District's "Teach Me How To Dougie."
Odom, smoking a cigar, can't quite keep up. James celebrates by crossing himself and taking a shot of Patron. Moments later, a handful of girls dressed as cheerleaders walk towards his table with someone dressed in James' Heat uniform. Someone throws talcum powder in the air as James does before every game, while his new unofficial song, "I'm in Miami" plays.
Odom casts a glance James' way before looking in the opposite direction and raising his glass at a couple on the dance floor who point to their ring fingers and smile.
Back at his table, James and his crew sing every word to Rick Ross' "Free Mason." LeBron raps every line to former teammate Damon Jones (who played with him in Cleveland) . Jones, puffing on a cigar, nods his head.
James rips out the lines:
"If I ever die, never let it be said I didn't win/
Never, never say/
Never say legend didn't go in/
I just wanna die on top of the world."
While he looks at club-goers flashing the LA and Westside signs at him, he smiles and points to Jackson's T-shirt which reads, "Another Enemy," and raises his glass of champagne.
Finally, Carter tells James it's time to leave the club and they do, LeBron pretending to cross-over tables and shoot over slot machines all the way back to his room.
Isn't it funny how LeBron knows all of the words to the song "Free Mason" by Rick Ross? And people are still trying say that LBJ isn't a Free Mason? Peep the song after reviewing the original evidence. Word.
Then there are the questions of ESPN's legitimacy as a news organization. This one seemingly minor mistake of publishing then spiking a story reveal their intentions as a company. The best analysis on the first day of LBJ's Pull Out-Gate comes from boston.com.
This seems like a genius move to me. The children's chewable vitamin market is absolutely huge (adult hangover cure) and with this damn economy taking away the guaranteed millions from NBA owners, this is a totally logical step. I'm sure when this idea came across David Stern's enormous mahogany desk that it only took him a few seconds to rubber stamp this plan into action. If he spent any time second guessing this idea then it was like flushing cash down the toilet. And if we know anything about Czar Stern, he doesn't stand for that sort of thing.
Purchase your Sugar-Free NBA Chewable Vitamins HERE
Monday, July 26, 2010
Q: Right after watching the LeBacle, I couldn't help but imagine Jordan's reaction to the announcement. I picture MJ chilling in a Vegas lounge, and right after Bron Bron uttered the words "I'm taking my talents to South Beach," him taking a puff on a giant cigar, turning to Oak, grinning ear to ear, and smugly saying "What a [derogatory name also used for cats]." And he'd be right.-- Joe, Charlestown, S.C.
There is a scene in "Good Will Hunting" where Dr. Lambeau is talking to Will, and says there are only a handful of people in the world who can tell the difference between Will's intelligence and his own. I feel like right now that is LeBron -- talent wise, he is right there with Kobe and potentially he could be right there with the other all-time greats. But this act of his over the last few months is showing us just what that difference is between LeBron and the others.-- Andrew Gordon, Washington, D.C.
Now I understand why Starbury would prefer to go back to China instead of signing with the Miami Heat to play 11th fiddle on a team that Vegas gives 2-1 odds to win the Larry O'Brien trophy. Being all about #1 is aparently more important than winning 'ships.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
CP3, seriously. Did you not see the LeBacle? Isn't the most toxic thing in free agency at the moment aligning yourself with LBJ's "team" of idiots?
Friday, July 23, 2010
Already popular in the Asian-American community as a cult figure, Lin made more of a name for himself recently by outplaying John Wall in Vegas Summer League:
Did you see the way Lin plays? Wreckless abandon. Quick as hell. But he moves away from the typical "stereotypes" by being 6'3", having serious hops, and truly owning the court. He has an NBA point guard body and the right mind frame. You can just tell with NBA players: some are more passive and others really own their time on the court. Lin owns the floor to the best of his abilities when he plays.
Here are Lin's Harvard Highlights. Mute the music and enjoy the show:
Now I'm not being insensitive when I say that there are a lot of Asian Americans who love the NBA and basketball in general. Just check out how huge The Dream League is.
Jeremy Lin will be a Uniter. His likeness will rally many people to the Warriors, especially if he plays well. And that is a great thing.
"He held a the high draft pick, I think his name was John Wall, to under 20% shooting in the game." I love the enthusiasm of this kid, chuckle and his lack of NBA knowledge, and hope that he gets on board to be a crazy Warriors fan.
Here's Lin after his Warrior workout earlier in the week.
If Lin gets ample playing time and is successful with the Warriors, it will be interesting to see who will have the bigger cult following: Lin or Omri Casspi? Like Omri, Lin is going to burst through the stereotypes by being a tough as nails player. It should be an interesting topic to follow as both of the NBA Cultural Cult Heroes are playing for the two Northern California teams.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Just in case you think I've gone all soft on Kobe, I still think he's done some pretty idiotic things over his career. I still want Laker fans to get their GED and take a class on "perspective" and "Learning About The Rest of the NBA Before Typing in ALL CAPS 101". But as routine readers of The Nextians can sense (all 2.5 of you), this whole LeBacle bullshiz shines a pretty nice light on Kobe these days. Respect.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
The day is near, my friends. Get excited and be ready to have some fun! (fcuking finally)
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Taibbi rips LeBrand a new one
Former ESPN Member Paul Shirley can now tell us how he really feels
And for those who say that they will hate the Heat, please go back to watching the NFL every Sunday because you are an idiot. Watching the Heat is going to be awesome.
Anthony Morrow is one of the purest shooters out there and he improved his rebounding and defense these past few years. They guy works hard on his game and is a good kid. Plus, he actually wanted to be a Warrior! So unless Riley and Nelson know something amazing about Dorrell that the everyone else in the basketball word doesn't, then this situation is BS. Another genius move by the Warrior management. There’s nothing wrong with Morrow and he should have stayed to enjoy new Warriors ownership and the new jerseys. But, of course, he was in Nellie's doghouse at the end of the year for reasons nobody knew except for Nellie's subconscious. And since I can read minds and look into Nellie's subconscious, this is what it said:
"Morrow isn't fully embracing this underdog roll and I just know that this kid wants to be paid more than me next year. Asshole. And I also don't like that gap in his front two teeth. Reggie Williams played his balls off and his contributions towards the D-League All Stars last season were incredible. Thankfully, nobody knows that any competent pro basketball player would have thrived in that bullshit system I threw out there at the end of last season. Ha! Hell, even Anthony Tolliver looked like a legitimate NBA player and that guy is an idiot. But Reggie Williams is better so my recommendation to Rowell and Cohan right before I retired to, I mean, left for Maui was to let Morrow go and keep Reggie. They will love me for it because it will save a boatload of cash. Score another financial victory for Donald! Damn, this is some good scotch."
Cohan better sell already. This is getting ridiculous.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Sports star wanting to be rock/rap star....the same old song and dance my friend. His douche-y voice really puts this over the top, too. This raspy voice where I can hold my lyrics as long and echo-y as I can makes me sound like a real rock star, right? No, Bronson. It makes you sound like a cock star, actually. Plus your name is Bronson for garsh sakes. Please shut up.
But then recently I saw that Bronson really knows how to party with slightly above average looking tan chicks on a Got Damn yacht, and I thought, maybe this guy ain't so bad after all. Plus who else can pull Pedro mutherfuckin Martinez out of the shadows to party?! That is pretty respectable. So, Bronson, you have turned a new leaf in my mind. You are not the man who I once kinda hated any longer. You are also putting up some decent numbers on the Reds this year and finally out-pitching that sloth, Aaron Harang. Good on ya mate. And, it looks like you've actually made some decent commercials before after all. Keep up the good work my friend....and let me get on that boat brah?!
Friday, July 9, 2010
A tough decision? Wasn't this decision already made in 2007 when LBJ, D-Wade and CB-4 (that's Chris Bosh) all signed their mini-max deals to become free agents at the same time? Or as William J. Simmons points out, didn't the 2008 Gold Medal winning Team USA form an unbreakable buddy/buddy/buddy/buddy relationship between the now Miami Threeat/Miami Thrice and CP-3 who's contract expires at the end of this year? It's fully clear now that the "meetings" with other teams by The Miami Thrice were all for show.....literally! They had cameras following them around for a future "reality" program on the "decisions" being made. All of this culminated with The LeBacle last night.
LeBrand's hour long LeBacle Special last night was worse that the past 6 Favre summers and A-Rod's 2007 World Series hijacking to announce that he was going to the Yankees combined (I stole those thoughts from someone else....please don't credit me for being inventive). Mental masturbation at it's most disgusting. Yet I couldn't stop watching and neither could anyone else.
LeBron earned $2.5 million for The Boys and Girls Club ($500K of which was from the University of Phoenix in a hilarious on-air commercial at the end of the "special"), which was great. Also great were LeBron's terrible answers to interviewers Jim Gray's and Michael Wilbon's questions. Fortunately, we learned a few things: LeCrabdribble made his decision on Miami in his dreams the night before, he was looking forward to the free agency experience (what? didn't this end it?), and he never wanted to leave Cleveland (double-what??/I'm calling BS). BDL breaks down the hilarity and uncomfortable douche chills of The Decision Special HERE. All of this and he killed Cleveland forever.
As a society we always hold our sports stars in the highest regard and it angers us when they destroy our image of them (see: Woods, Eldrick). We turned our heads when LBJ wouldn't shake the hands of the Orlando Magic in '08 and when he stormed off the court and took off his Cavs jersey for the final time after the Game 6 loss this year to the Celtics. But even though TMZ isn't covering this debacle (some argue that ESPN's coverage of the fiasco is worse than TMZ) and even though a lot of money was generated for great causes, LeBrand jumped the everloving shark last night. And his "Team" was revving up the boat for LBJ's jump by starting a King James Twatter Account and launching his Crabness's website earlier in the week. On the level of arrogance LeBron has actually surpassed the most egomaniacal NBA'er of recent memory: Kobe Bryant. And that's saying something.
Then things got interesting: Venom was immediately spilled by Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert on the team page of all places in an "artsy" Comic Sans font. This bitter girlfriend pukefest will forever be know as "The LeBron Letter" and speaks for an entire fanbase. LBJ Cavs 23 jerseys were burned in a LeBronfire in the streets of Cleveland adding to the flaming tire smell the city usually emanates, fans cried, fans yelled and all of Cleveland was pissed. Some say Gilbert's tirade should make one question The Cavs and somehow feel sympathy for LeBron moving on to Miami. But that's like going to the New York Times to get sports information (wait, that article was from the NYT.....never mind).
Get 'em while they're hot! LBJ Cavs Fatheads are going for an amazing sale price of $17.41. 1741 is the year that Benedict Arnold was born. Oh yeah, and Dan Gilbert owns Fathead. Hilarity continues!
Most owners are rich a-holes who are used to getting what they want. Although owners like Mikhail Prokhorov (Nets), Jerry Reinsdorf (Bulls), James Dolan (Knicks) and especially Donald Sterling (Clippers) were undoubtedly pissed and may have thought the same things as Gilbert, none of them said anything. But Gilbert's are fightin' words and his promise that the Cavs will win the 'ship before LeBron does is actually quite awesome. To have the guts to write those words, not matter how immature and unhinged it appears to be to fruitbags who write for the NYT, is actually quite awesome. A renegade owner with an enormous chip on his shoulder doing whatever it takes to win the Larry O'Brien trophy for his organization and the people of Cleveland before King Crab of Miami? Excellent drama. I only wish more owners had this kind of fire (see: Cohan, Chris).
Gilbert made a boatload of flow off of LBJ as the franchise is valued by Forbes to be worth $100 Million more today than it was when LBJ was first drafted in 2003. LBJ used Cleveland to win Rookie of the Year and back-to-back NBA MVP awards. He can do whatever he wants as that is the definition of "Free Agent". Joining a super team is his prerogative. Many people have left their hometowns to achieve bigger and better things. Blah blah blah.
But he didn't have to do this ill-conceived ESPN LeBrondamonium self promo narcissistic bullshit. Jordan didn't go on to play on the same team as Magic. LeBron obviously doesn't get it right now but he soon will. LeBrand's next season won't anything be like those of the past. The hatred that will be thrown his way in every city but Miami will be life changing. Forget your "billion dollars" and your positive brand. Everything you once knew is now gone. Will LeBrainless embrace the heel role with his buddies Dwayane and Chris? Because you aren't going to be the good guy hero anymore. Good luck out there on your island, King.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Choice and Broadside Ballads by schleppy
(only the 1st three tracks are about LBJ)