Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Did You Know? - Newest Installment

This next topic is unrelated to sports, but totally related to San Francisco. Did you know that there is a second golden gate bridge out there located in Lisbon, Portugal? It used to be called the Vasco da Gama Bridge, but currently goes by the 25th de April bridge. This has something to do with a war and an uprising and some other war and political European cooleness that is lame to recount. Anyway, the reason why it looks like San Francisco's GGB is because it was built by the same peope. That's all.....haha.

Cetics on the hunt for Starbury

The Celtics are scared. Scared shitless that they don't have a bench this year. No James Posey. No PJ Brown. They're so scared that they are legitimately thinking of signing the most crazy of crazy assed muthafukaz: Stephon Marbury.

I haven't been a fan of the new Celtics. First of all, they lucked into KG. McHale just handed him over. If the ping pong balls fell where they should have, the Celtics would have never traded for Shuttlesworth and KG as they would have had the 1st pick and a hobbled, underachieving Oden on their hands and sour puss PP (Paul Pierce). They bully teams around with scowls on their faces, KG picks fights with weak foreign guards, and Doc Rivers says the most retardedly basic things to the media. I honestly don't think he coaches other than finding that whole "Ubuntu!" thing last year. The Sportsfag is a homer for them, Boston has been winning WAY too much for their own good in all major pro sports, and all of the brand new "B" Sox hats and KG Celtics jerseys I see around SF frustrate the living hell out of me. So I hope they do "sign" Starbury for the veterans minimum pro-rated (by the way, Starbury is getting $150,000 a day for the remainder of the season from the Knicks). No championship this year with that crazy assed karma.

To remind you all how insane Steph is, please re-watch the video below. My favorite lines from a high as a kite Marbury include:

"I'm goin' for like 12, 13 dimes.....2 assists"
(cell phone rings) "oh, that's my better half"...long pause...."my wife"
near the end of the clip "yeah! yeah! I wanna see spittle on your mouf!"

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Rip City Rhapsody

Yes, they are the Blazers and they love to play. And they're the rappers of the NBA. And Kevin Duckworth is one dope mic-checka!

Lebron's 2009 vs. Oscar & Wilt's 1962

I pulled this tidbit from TrueHoop and, man, is it a great breakdown of how things were and how things are. Nextians know that Oscar Robinson averaged a trip-dub in 1962. This was also the year that Chamberlain exploded for a record 100 points in a game. Were these guys really that much better stat wise than the Lebron of '08/'09? When you factor in pace of play, your eyes are opened. From TrueHoop:

Wow. Wow. Wow. 40.1 points, 10.3 rebounds and 10 assists per game. According to Neil Paine of Basketball-Reference, that's what LeBron James would be averaging if he played at the same pace (possessions per 48 minutes) that Oscar Robertson did in 1962 when he became the only person ever to average a triple double. Paine writes: "1962, if you recall, was not only the year Oscar averaged a triple-double, but also the season Wilt Chamberlain did all sorts of ludicrous things, like scoring 100 points in a game and averaging 50.4 per. He also averaged 26 rebounds a night; Bill Russell averaged 24. The stat-stuffing that went on that year truly boggles the mind. ... Okay, so you've all seen Wilt and Oscar's numbers from 1962, but have you ever sat down and looked at the league averages that year? In '62, the average team took 107.7 shots per game. By comparison, this year the average team takes 80.2 FGA/G. If we use a regression to estimate turnovers & offensive rebounds, the league pace factor for 1962 was 125.5 possessions/48 minutes, whereas this year it's 91.7. Oscar's Royals averaged 124.7 poss/48, while Wilt's Warriors put up a staggering 129.7 (the highest mark in the league). On the other hand, the 2009 Cavs are averaging a mere 89.2 poss/48. It turns out that the simplest explanation for the crazy statistical feats of 1961-62 (and the early sixties in general) is just that the league was playing at a much faster tempo in those days, with more possessions affording players more opportunities to amass gaudy counting statistics. Let's say LeBron '09 could switch paces (note that I didn't say "places”, which is another argument entirely) with Oscar '62 ... That means we would have to scale down the Big O's per-game numbers by multiplying them by .715, giving Robertson a far more reasonable line of 22.0 PPG, 8.9 RPG, & 8.1 APG -- which are still really good numbers, to be sure, but not as crazy as they looked at the breakneck pace of '62. By contrast, we have to multiply LBJ's stats by a factor of 1.4 if we want to see what they would look like if he played at a 1962-style pace. The results: 40.1 PPG, 10.3 RPG, & 10.0 APG!! As you can see, those 35.5 extra possessions per game really make a huge difference when comparing the two players' stats. So, no, LeBron probably will never average an Oscar-esque triple-double in today's NBA ... but it's more a consequence of the league's pace than any failing on his part. Just like we wouldn't say a .400 hitter in the 1894 NL (league BA: .309) was as impressive as Ted Williams hitting .406 in the 1941 AL (league BA: .266), basketball fans should keep in mind that the league's pace factor has gone down steadily since its inception, and with those fewer possessions come fewer chances to put up monster stat totals. This isn't meant to denigrate Oscar and Wilt in any way, but it does mean that their eye-popping stats from back then are, in reality, not quite as impressive as they appear at first glance."

You Got Serbed!

The Serbian turnover machine Marco Jaric has just recently married the Brazilian bomb-shell, Adiana Lima. What a lucky SOB! From a bench player who's Curry Line would be outrageous, if he played, to a made-man. I guess you don't have to be a huge star to marry one of the hottest women on the planet. Keep your hopes up Nextians! Look at his eyes in the top pick, yikes. No wonder why he can't dribble and turn's the ball over....his eyes are super small and way close together. Also, rumor has it that Lima was a virgin until she got married. Does it get any better? We all just got Serbed.

Devin Harris Game Winner

At first I was just going to post the normal ESPN video of this game and classic Devin Harris half court game winner. But then I came across this re-mix and, honestly, I started to cry. The drama of this video is worth of a Nexty (like the Oscars, but only for things that are Next). Enjoy:

Monday, February 23, 2009

Crazy/funny/gay...mostly gay NBA Pics: Newest Installament

The Lakes are soooooo gay! How do you even find yourself in this position? They both go in for the chest-bump hug and neither of the two move their heads to the side to properly complete the gesture. Then Luke is over in the corner beginning to do the Macarena.....he's so white.

What did Cuttino Mobley do after he realized he had to retire from the NBA due to his heart condition? He turned gay.

Update: Dirk still loves to fukcin party. Serioulsy, just loves it. Are those hoop earrings?

Here we go again Lake-show. So gay. I don't even know what to think here. It's like an oreo cookie.

Bango The Buck; Out With ACL Tear

As if things couldn't get any worse for The Milwaukee Bucks: Bango is out for the year with an ACL tear suffered at All-Star weekend. First Michael Redd, then Bogut ('eff Ridnour) and now Bango. The Bucks announced that fans will miss his "gazelle-like dunks and agile maneuvers".

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Timmay's Take on Tha Bulls

Since Tim-Tim is too busy having fun to learn how to use blogger and be an actual Nextians contributor, I asked him to comment on the Bulls recent trades and acquisitions via email. Below are his thoughts on how Next he feels the Bulls are after the deals. And in case you didn't know, Timmay lives in Chi-town and has a huge Derrick Rose poster on his bedroom wall (seriously, I've seen it):

Let's take a look at the haul that Chicago took in vs. what they gave up.

Trade #1 - Nocioni, Gooden and Ruffin for Miller and Salmons
I love this trade! Adding Miller and Salmons is nice; but just as importantly they got rid of Nocioni. Noch was a fan favorite for his intensity and his exuberance. With that said, he has gotten worse over the last three years. He once was a spark plug off the bench who played tough defense and hit big shots. Now, he is completely lost on the court, shoots a lot (at a low %), is a sieve on defense and can't dribble. Finally, he really didn't have a position (should be a 3 not a 4). Gooden was the only back to the basket scorer the Bulls had and frankly was having a nice season outside of the injuries. I like his double-double activity and his contract was nice to have as the Bulls look to the future (expires after the year).

In addition to the addition by subtraction noted above, we are getting an offensive big man and and a versatile and big 2. Miller is nice because he plays well with others and doesn't need to score to be effective. Let's be honest, he will be the 4th/5th option in this offense after Gordon, Rose, Deng. He really isn't a back to the basket scorer and his $12MM contract are both negatives, but his contract expires prior to the all important 2010 free agent bonanza. As noted above, Salmons is the real benefit to the deal. He gives them a big 2 who can defend the big guards in the league. From what I recall, he is a good defender and will be an asset on the defensive end. Additionally, he can score coming off of the bench and provide what Gordon used to provide coming off of the bench. Hopefully, he accepts the demotion to the bench - or Gordon is willing to move back to the 6th man role. His contract is also very reasonable.

Trade #2 - Hughes to NY for Thomas, James and Roberson
Again, this is addition by subtraction. Hughes is a cancer and his contract is outrageous. He is a selfish player who can't be good to have around D-Rose (though I don't think Rose would be affected by much because he is a cool customer). He was #5 on the guard depth chart and only the Knicks can pay $11MM/year to a guy who doesn't play. Tim Thomas is a decent player who will fill the bench role voided by Nocioni as a shooter from the 4 spot. As I recall, the guy is pretty clutch (see his days in Phoenix). He is also a veteran that has been around and can hopefully guide some of our young guys a bit as he seems like a good team guy. We all know that James is a waste of space, but can he be any more of a waste of space than Aaron Gray? Doubtful. For that reason, he may be a slight upgrade at that spot.

Trade #3 - Sefolosha to OKC for a #1 pick
I like Sefolosha and he is a good defender who can guard a bunch of positions. He defends, rebounds, plays hard and can excel in an up-tempo environment. I think Sefolosha should be a good addition for OKC. With that said, the addition of Salmons and our depth at guard made him expendable. To get a #1 pick for him - even if it is a late one is decent. At least they didn't just give him away like they did with J.R. Smith.

All-in-all, John Paxson's last trading deadline may be remembered for not getting Amare or Bosh. If I should ever find out that he declined a deal containing Tyrus Thomas, I will march down to the UC and cancel my 11-game package. Paxson has stated his fear to trade Tyrus and his play leading up to the deadline was spectacular. However, Thomas will never be a back to the basket player and will never be the guy who can run the pick and roll with Rose. That said, I don't think that Phoenix or Toronto really wanted to make a deal for Thomas and some of the expiring contracts.

Overall, I have high grades to the deadline deals. We get 3 guys who will be added to the rotation along with a #1 pick and we rid ourselves of our 2 worst contracts in exchange for 3 rotation players. Each of the 3 exchanged rotation pieces are upgrades (significant upgrade on Salmons from Sefolosha and slight upgrades from Miller/Thomas for Gooden/Nocioni). Did I mention, we got rid of $11MM/year invested in Hughes and $10MM over 4 more years with Nocioni! Those were two of the worst contacts in the NBA - ask Bill Ford. Finally, if we chose not to re-sign Gordon this off season, we set ourselves up for an opportunity to go get Amare or Bosh in 2010 to team up with Rose and Deng. I am 100% sure that Bosh will be available and Chicago is a big enough draw to bring in a marquee guy in free agency.


Friday, February 20, 2009

Amare's Eye Hole

Amare's eye has been all the rage this year! A pre-season cornea injury had him slowed but he took his HGH and it didn't take long for him to be back on point with his 20/20. Last week, Phoenix was propping S.T.A.T The Great to be traded as Amare wanted to go somewhere where he could be "respected" (pulling a Marion). There were really only two or three suitors since most NBA teams like their centers to actually try on defense. But there were definitely many serious offers. And now yet another eye-hole injury on Tuesday leads to surgery with S.T.A.T. being out 8 weeks. Oh, the horror!


This recent injury could have been avoided if Amare didn't think he was too cool for the in-game Oakley Blades he rocked at the beginning of the season (enlarge picture below). What a fool! If he wore the fashion friendly Oakleys on Tuesday, S.T.A.T. would have been fine for the Sun's race for the 8th seed out West and all the glory that comes with getting swept by the Lakers in the 1st round. But nooooo. Now the Suns are stuck with Shaq (they didn't trade The Big Cactus because they knew Amare was hurt), a former Clippers Head Coach, and a broken down old-assed Canadian point guard. 7 Seconds or Less seems so, so long ago. (tear)

Thursday, February 19, 2009

We Are The Niners

Nothing need be said here. Except, Incredible.

Anthony Randolph; Future HOF'r

According to "Lost Soul" Lamar Odumb, Warrior rookie Anthony Randolph has "Hall of Fame potential". I'm wondering if he would have had the same praise had the Warriors not choked in the 4th quarter and the Lakers happened to lose. But I'm sure AR will still accept the great praise:


AR baited Odumb into a technical in the early going and the war was ON. AR went off for 14 points and 12 rodmans in about 28 minutes of action. Odumb, who has been greatly fired up as of late, scored 22 with 7 boards in just about the same amount of playing time. But their battle really heated up on this over-the-back foul by AR where Lamar takes it the extra step by squat-launching Anthony's slender frame onto the hardwood. Thankfully, Anthony was wearing those incredible McDavid impact shorts which have saved many an impact injury these last few years in the NBA. That's another story.

But screw those homer Laker announcers for saying that AR was crying. For a kid with a perma-scowl, his actual "I'm pissed off!" face looks pretty bad:

Thanks to Bilbo T. Baggins for pointing out the vid.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Punxsutawney Phil is off to a slow start.

He needs to stop rimming out.........his par putts.

Shred Sledding

These paraplegics are the best in the world at what they do:

So, can we have Thunder back?

Since the Oklahoma City Thunder officially unveiled their new super furry mascot named "Rumble" today, can the Warriors have their Thunder mascot back? I really miss that guy. Maybe we can just give him a new name. We can call him Lightning.

Here's Rumble with the HOT OKC cheerleaders. What a playa:

Rumble is a hit on the drums!

And if you think that Rumble can't ball, well then you're retarded. This furry guy can sky!

NBA'ers On Barak

Although I question his use of sweatpants on the court, our President is a decent baller. Basketball is obviously his favorite game so CNN got some current and former NBA stars to comment on Mr. Obomber. By the way, you gotta love Bill Russell's laugh. Hilarity:

D-League Dunk Contest: AWESOME

Before Dwight and Nate were busy putting on costumes, the NBA D-Leaguers threw down some impressive assed 'ish during their All-Star dunk contest last Friday in Phoenix. Take a look at this breakdown of the suspense and make sure to wait until the X-Mo part of each dunk's video clip. Needless to say, James White and Keith Clark were twice as entertaining as D-How and Nate Rob.


Makes you wonder why the winner of the D-League dunk contest can't be the 4th contestant on Saturday night's NBA contest? Sure would beat what the "fan favorite" Rudy Fernandez puked up.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Wow this is lame

Practical jokes rule. I LOVE them. Just yesterday I put wasabi on my daughters lunch plate and told her it was "cavagoto". Hilarity ensued.

But seriously, ordering fake room service. Knocking on some random dudes door then running away. This is piss poor.

This shit wasn't funny when I pulled the same half ass stunts in 5th grade.

The People's Dunk Contest

JA Skeets at Taz are proprietors of The Basketball Jones podcast and the Ball Don't Lie NBA blog on Yahoo! Sports. These Canadians hit up All-Star weekend in Phoenix and posted a bunch of videos. This one was by far the best. I honestly enjoyed this contest much more than that Kryptonite Nate Rob dunk:

TBJ AZ 03: The People's Dunk Contest from The Basketball Jones on Vimeo.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

All-Star Weekend

Here's my pre-All-Star game semi-live blog notes which were posted well after the events occured. I apologize for it being a little bit old, like the guys in the picture above.

Rookie/Sophomore Challenge

Aside from the kids with diseases who wore pink T-Mobile shirts and just screamed all game long, this Challenge was pretty entertaining. The guys looked like they wanted to win by not constantly lobbing lame alley-oop passes to each other with a 10% possibility of actually working. Bullet pointing is now necessary for the amount of thoughts I'd like to throw out there but not expound upon:
  • Beasley will be a mediocre pro. Dude just doesn't have the fire. Plus, he shoots jumpers almost completely sideways and that's just weird.

  • Durant is awesome. He's 6'10" and can drain with mad range. His new found confidence will carry him forward to many All-Star appearances. He single handedly brought the sophomores back in the last 10 minutes after the rookies were out playing them all game long. Stud.

  • I can't believe that Beasley and KD are buds and grew up in the same area. It's amazing to me that the #2 pick two years in a row grew up in the same area of Maryland. ESPN Tha Mag said it was some sort of AAU hotbed, but still.

  • Where the heck was Anthony Randolph on the rookie team? Oh, that's right, Don Nelson didn't display his talents until 3 games ago.

  • Why didn't OJ Mayo start for the rookies? Are we seriously saying that Rudy Fernandez and Eric Gordon are better than him? Maybe he was just resting up for the H.O.R.S.E. competition the next day.

  • Oden with a DNP for the "rookies". That's funny in two separate ways. (update: an MRI on Oden's knee revealed a bone chip. Sounds painful.)

  • Stuckey will eventually be the shit. Just keep waiting........which makes me think that we've been waiting a long time for this guy.........which makes me realize that he is only in his second year and feel strange about that fact.

  • Why is this game played in two 20 minute halves? Is this not the NBA? What is the (commercial) reason for this?

H.O.R.S.E. Game

  • Joe Johnson, OJ Mayo and Kevin Durant are dope-shiz NBA'ers for sure. But are these guys mute or are they really this nervous?
  • Not sure why TNT replayed every shot, even the terrible misses, in the early going.
  • Why do they need the ref to touch the ball before every shot?
  • They should really be playing some music during this thing. Either that or get the crowd more fired up with t-shirt cannons and free pizza.
  • EJ is great at what he does.
  • Joe Johnson looks hung over. He just has that squinty gleen while standing there in the bright Phoenix sun.
  • KD couldn't hit shit in the early going. It's crazy that he has G-E-I-C before anyone else had a letter and still won.
  • OJ Mayo looks and sounds like he is much older than Joe Johnson. JJ is 27 and 7 years older than OJ.
  • Loved OJ's shot from the stands. That was super stylie.
  • These guys are boring as fcuk. I sense the competitiveness but they should at least be joking a little bit.
  • KD from the deep corner was dinero!
  • Joe Johnson airballs an underhanded "Rick Barry" free throw? Are you kidding me? Who hasn't tried this shot before.

Sprite/T-Mobile/Skills Challenge

  • These guys were all VERY hung over. Friday night is when you go huge on All-Star weekend if you're a pro/former pro. You rest up on Saturday night (get to bed at like 4 am) to get ready for the Sunday game.
  • Devin Harris is faster than that. Pathetic. I wish these guys would try.
  • Reggie sucks. Quit saying the same thing over and over again.
  • At first glance, Derrick Rose looks to be in his late 20's. He's like OJ Mayo in this regard. D. Rose is really 20.
  • This shit is boring. I don't even care who wins. Tony Parker is gay.

3 Point Contest by Sprite

  • I love this contest. Pure precision artistry. One of my favorite things about the 3 point contest is guessing if guys will make or miss based on their shot-release. After the first rack, you can usually get it right.
  • Rashard Lewis has a jacked up shot. Can't believe this guy drains so much!
  • Can Reggie quit referencing himself?
  • Kapono's shot is smoove like butta. I wish I had that shot and his contract.
  • Reggie doesn't know how to pronounce his sister's name.
  • Why is Granger in this contest? He's not a 3 point shooter. Anthony Morrow should have been there in his place. He would have won. Morrow is fucking cold blooded.
  • Daequan Cook's motion is pretty smooth. But his release looks really flat. Does anybody know if he gets blocked on the arc more frequently than most?
  • I expected more from Mike Bibby. By the way, Mike Bibby cannot call himself anything other than white. I just don't see it.

Right Guard Slam Dunk Contest

  • This contest is almost hyped up too much.
  • Kevin Rudolf is a sweet guitarist/singer/songwriter/douchebag. This music/song sounds like a WWE intro.
  • D-How is great for the NBA. Please never change.
  • The only thing fresher than JR Smiff's double bounce dunk is the interpretation of his tats. That thing was scored WAY too low.
  • Rudy Fernandez shouldn't be in this contest. Joe Alexander is a much better dunker. But maybe I'm just xenophobic.
  • Nate Rob is an insane athlete. Did you know that he went for 33 points, 9 rebounds, 15 assists and 5 steals vs. the Clippers right before All-Star break? Did you know he's only 5'9"?
  • No comment on the "launch of Chandler's back" dunk. LAME
  • Loved D-How's rip off the Jameer Nelson backboard pass on a 12 foot-ish hoop. By the way, that was a shitty pass by Jameer.
  • Did you notice how Stern called the phone for "Superman" Howard to go in the phone booth? I couldn't believe that Reggie Miller missed this one. Wasn't it in his notes?
  • Despite what tards say, Nate Rob's jumping over D-How was sweet and he did not push over him. He just reverse t-bagged Dwight, and that's OK in the world we live in today.

All-Star Game presented by Army

No comments necessary other than Shaq was super hung over.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Danica Patrick in the new SI Swimsuit 2009 Issue

This is totally about sports because she is an Indy car driver and that is a sport and coincidentally i just wanted see how she was doing and this is what came up and i had no idea she was this hot under that fire suit.

John Tesh is a Golden God

This video comes to us from Bill Simmmmmons "Sports Guy" in his annual NBA Trade Value column. The Nextians don't usually regurgitate Sportsfag nonsense but this video isn't technically HIS. So enjoy Tesh playing his answering machine, dribbling a basketball to the beat, and then totally rocking out to the NBA on NBC theme that he wrote 10+ years ago:

Marion: Game Winning Dunk Gets You Traded

All have heard about Shawn Marion and his trade-cronie Marcus Banks being swapped for Jermaine O'Neal. But did you see his game winning dunk from last night? What a way to end an "era" in Miami. Man, I really feel for D-Wade at this point:

TMN-Harrington: Retard

Video of TMNT Harrington's "Dunk-chin up-glass slap = Technical" doesn't seem to exist. But this picture does:

Frank Isola of the Daily News writes about Harrington's terrible 48 hours:

Bad to worse for Harrington
February 12, 2009
Al Harrington had a 48 hours unlike any we’ve seen in a long time. First, he slanders his former coach, Don Nelson, saying that Nelson has a history of ruining players' careers. He then incites the hostile crowd in Golden State by waving his arms and booing them. He then scores two second-half points in a game where the Knicks allowed 144.

The following night in Los Angeles, Harrington commits the knucklehead play to end all knucklehead plays when he hangs on the rim and slaps the backboard after his dunk gave the Knicks a three-point lead with 25 seconds to go.

Of course, Harrington was whistled for a technical foul, paving the way for the Clippers to force the game into overtime and eventually hand the Knicks their sixth straight loss.

Which brings us back to last week when following a loss to Cleveland, Harrington called it a “feel-good loss.” That’s easy for him to say, he scored 39 points. Harrington accused the media of twisting his words (now, you tell me how can the phrase “a feel-good loss” be interpreted any other way?).

No, Harrington's comments made him sound as if he’s in it for himself and then over the last two games he proved just that. Harrington has a lot of talent and he plays hard but the Knicks could use more leadership out of him.

Then again, this is what happens when you depend on hired mercenaries. Harrington was acquired because of his expiring contract in 2010. There is no emotional attachment between the Knicks and Harrington. They are using him and he is using them to get a better contract. Neither side is wrong.

Thankfully the Warriors traded away the supremely selfish Ninja Turtle. Oh how he has lost his way since Splinter's teachings.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Our Newest All Star: Mo Williams

When word that Chris Bosh was going to stay home and nurse his ailing knee over the All Star Weekend hit, old men who have money and make important decisions made Maurice "Mo" Williams his replacement. I think that Bosh just wanted to play Gears of War 2 on his x-box for 4 days straight without any annoying interruptions such as "practice", "flying on a private team jet" or "cash $180K weekly checks", but that's another story. So let's learn a little sumthin' about Mo:

*Maurice loves Gangsta Movies
*Because of his love of Gangsta Movies, teammates have provided him the nickname of "Hitman"
*His other nickname, "Mo", is short for his given name "Maurice"
*Mo is a career 44% shooter and is shooting 47% this year
*Williams is averaging 17.2 points on the Cavs this season alongside Lebron
*Mo is much more deserving than Al Jefferson to be a 1st time All-Star

Looking forward to the H.O.R.S.E., I mean, G.E.I.C.O. contest on Saturday!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Sporty Video for some Sporty Guyz

From the crew that brought you 'Jizz in my Pants' - damn I wish I were a kid these days because I'd be able to make funny videos all day instead of trying to create a fort from blankets, a sofa, and a few cardboard boxes.

Chad After Dentist

By now you all have seen the "David After Dentist" youtube clip either from the 2/3/09 post on this blog or forwarded to you from coworkers. Here is Chad Vader's reenactment of David's post-dentist wonderland:

You Tubin': Bill Murray Bulls Correspondent

Thanks to Shoals at The Sporting News for this awesome Bill Murray video on his beloved 1998 Chicago Bulls:

Monday, February 9, 2009

Coach Del Negro: Screamfense

Start paying attention to this video around 10 seconds. What in the hell is wrong with Chicago Bulls Rookie Coach Vinny Del Negro? Something tells me that this guy lost the respect of his players (Ty Thomas) long, long ago.

Slow-Mo Cheerleader Dance

Maybe this has been the reason why we rarely ever see hot shots of cheerleaders on TV while we're watching takes commentators out of their professional state?!

It makes sense, commentators for NBA, NFL, etc. would be sitting there jiber-jabbing away, then boom the camera man cuts to some sexy cheerleaders doing some hot, sexual innuendo dance. They would be pausing and stuttering all the time on live television. It never made sense to me why we rarely get to see cheerleaders doing their thang when cutting to a commercial or during a timeout, but I think I may have just figured out why. Imagine Jim Barnett going, "and the Warriors keys to the game are....and the warriors, uhm, uhhhh, and the keys to the...uhhh....are..." Ahaha, I think any straight guy would lose focus of what they're doing if they start seeing some 21 year old hottie dropping it like it's hot all of the sudden in some skimpy shit! Well, maybe not Jeff VanGundy.

RIP Thunder

I am still distraught over the loss of our b-boy Golden State Warrior mascot, Thunder. In almost a decade with the Warriors, he became a legend with his sweet moves, totally toned blue body and ability to blow up into a huge air-filled version of himself and continuously head-butt people with the opposing teams jersey on. I doubt he is having as much fun as he did in Oakland with those lame-ass Oklahoma City fans.

And the worst part is is that we are halfway through the 08-09 season without a doppleganger. Thunder was one of the best mascots in the NBA, and now there is nothing that can replace his majesty. So, F-U Oklahoma City for stealing our guy.

In remembrance of Thunder, check out this melodramatic video made by some shit head with snippets of Thunder dominating Atlanta's Harry the Hawk on the d-floor.

Cheerleaders We May Have Missed

For some reason, this Magic Cheerleader gives me a major Woodrow Wilson. It must be that "I did something naughty!" smile. Or maybe it's just her boobs:

Stats You May Have Missed: Weekend Edition

.........from the desk of CG Hyland.........

The ESPN tides have shifted to the NBA and boy are we ever in a tornado-de-force. With the Commercial Bowl, I mean, Super Bowl in the history books/wikipedia our American Sport Focus (henceforth known as ASF) is now on our precious NBA'ers. So does anybody really think it's a coincidence that Kobe then Lebron then The Big Three played at Madison Square Garden last week? Or what about Kobe -ahem- Lamar Odom beating the Cavs on Sunday handing the fateful Cleveland fans their first home loss of the season? This is no coincadink, my friends. This is why adwizards are paid the big bucks: to totally shift your focus without you even knowing what in the fuck is going on. Mind control? Not really but it's a decent attempt by ESPeN/Stern/ABC-TNT.

"Not so fast!" we Nextians say. This made-for-TV schedule was obvious from afar. What wasn't so obvious was that the Lakers were going to kick major ass without Bynum all the way through the trip (this is bigger than you think, so start thinking this is BIG. Do it!). But what was lost in the media orgy was a lil' diddy thrown up by my pal Ramon Sessions. So in case you missed it, R-Sess went for 44 points, 5 Rebounds and 12 assists in a loss (he plays for the Bucks) against the Too Cool for School Pistons. Sessions shot 72% from the floor and 86% from the line. Insane in the Membrane? Si.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Mock Draft: The Top 11 Movie Basketball Players of All Time

Pretty dang funny rundown of the top movie basketball players........OF ALL-TIME! If you know the movies, the descriptions offer hilarity. If you don't simply move onto the next page to find one you recognize.

As a whole, this site is pretty dang phunny:

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Mike Dunleavy vs. John Holmes




You Know Why? Cuz He's an All-Star!

In an attempt to live up to Tommy's excellent Ping-Pong post and in an effort to get on the Association-wide "It's All-Star Weekend in Phoenix!" tip, I wanted to post a little diddy promoting the 1989 NBA All-Stars:

I advise you all to watch, but more importantly, listen to the full 9:15 of this video. The lyrics are amazing and very insightful into the skills of the 1989 All-Star members. Let's take Chris Mullin:

"Chris Mullin, the Great from Golden State
Try to stop his jumper, it's too late!
He gets the ball, and then he starts releasin'
His POTENTIAL and points start increasin'
You know why?
Cuz he's an All-Star"

Every time I'm sad I listen to this video and it brings out my inner Tom Chambers. Thanks to Free Darko.

Sick Ping Pong Skillz

I think some of the final moves are illegal, but impressive none the less. 

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Tough Guy Competition

A quote from the organizer: “It was non-stop trips, back and forth to the hospital. There were a lot of injuries, but there were no deaths this year. Overall, it’s been quite successful.”

No, not Cameron's bachelor party Olympics....some wacky comp in England.  More cool pics here.  let's please not do any of these events at the Nextian's League Conclave, OK?  Except maybe the Borat bathing suit run.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Eff'd Up Kid

This has nothing to do with the NBA (unless the kid suddenly plays in it someday) but this video is just damn funny. Some awesome dad filmed his son in the car after he just got done with a dental procedure where he was obviously gassed. Lucky-ass kid.

Kobe's 61 Performance

Below is a great point-by-point Laker Announcer recap of Kobe's 61 at MSG last night. They replayed the game on NBA TV today which should be pretty sweet to check out on the ole' DVR/TiVO. But notice how many mid-range jumpers off of the dribble he's able to hit. Nothing short of radi-cool. And the crazy reverse pivot for points 58 & 59 was damn tight. Just a new move in The Mamba's ever-evolving artillery.

But the best part of the clip is at the end when Kobe pretends like he had no idea that he beat MJ's "double nickle" 55 point opponent record or Bernard King's 60 point all-time MSG scoring record. What first makes you totally respect the man's game and style on the court suddenly evaporates into a douche-y mist with retarded comments like that. Jeezuz Kobe. Give me a break.

Monday, February 2, 2009

The New Jumpman: Chalkman

Check this out while it's still legally up on youtube: Santonio Holmes does the LeBron "Chalkman" after scoring a touchdown. Now I know all of you Nextians saw this live but I just wanted all of you to have a second look (or 26th look in my case):

D-How Dunk Suggestions

The ever-hilarious Barats and Bereta have some excellent Super Hero themed dunk suggestions for Superman II (Dwight Howard. Superman I is/was Shaq):

Superhero Dunks - barats and bereta

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Dunk the Funk

This article is kinda old, but it is a solid read. Pointing out how basketball and music are synonymous is always fun: