Saturday, July 10, 2010

Party: Bronson Arroyo Style

So once there was this douchebag named Bronson Arroyo. I don't REALLY know him to be a douche of course. I just know that his mediocre pitching has screwed me in fantasy baseball leagues of years past when I decided to pick his a$$ up and spot start him. And then I saw this video, which severely dented his image in my mind as well:

Sports star wanting to be rock/rap star....the same old song and dance my friend. His douche-y voice really puts this over the top, too. This raspy voice where I can hold my lyrics as long and echo-y as I can makes me sound like a real rock star, right? No, Bronson. It makes you sound like a cock star, actually. Plus your name is Bronson for garsh sakes. Please shut up.

But then recently I saw that Bronson really knows how to party with slightly above average looking tan chicks on a Got Damn yacht, and I thought, maybe this guy ain't so bad after all. Plus who else can pull Pedro mutherfuckin Martinez out of the shadows to party?! That is pretty respectable. So, Bronson, you have turned a new leaf in my mind. You are not the man who I once kinda hated any longer. You are also putting up some decent numbers on the Reds this year and finally out-pitching that sloth, Aaron Harang. Good on ya mate. And, it looks like you've actually made some decent commercials before after all. Keep up the good work my friend....and let me get on that boat brah?!

1 comment:

The Nextian said...

Did the "s" bomb actually make it to the commerical? Ha!

Hey, maybe Pedro was on a boat with the same chick that Bronson was hanging out with at a completely different time. Did you ever think of that? Maybe this chick wears the same slutty boat-party outfit every time she meets MLB pitchers on the high waters. I can't imagine anyskank owning more than one crazy cowboy hat.