Shaq on Conan

Shaq did an awful lot of crazy ish on Conan on 8/3/11:

The NBA is Boring Right Now

With the players locked out things are very boring. Apart from Yao Ming and Shaq retiring, Shaq signing on at TNT to sit aside Chuck Barkley, and Sasha Vajychick playing in Turkey, there isn't anything interesting going on in our NBA world. Hence, there hasn't been consistent Nextians posts since the finals.

Therefore henceworth I'd like to transform the Nextians dot blogspot dot com blog to another focus and here are my ideas:



Let me know what you'd like to see. Thanks.

Justin Bieber: All Star Celebrity Game 2011

By now you all have probably heard the news that Justin Bieber is playing in the All-Star Game. Well, the Celebrity All-Star Game at least. Can Bieber ball? If you give a rats ass, please watch him take it to Shaq:

Heat vs Timberwolves 2/19/10

This was a pretty good game. But the best part of it is Memphis' new logo. CHECK IT OUT!

Shaq w/ Gil-Zero's Fiancé

Shaq's been cheating on his wife with Gil-Zero's fiancé. The Big Dickhead continues to show his true colors.

Peep the article HERE. Below is one of the super saucy emails. LOL, Nextians:

Michael Jackson Tributes by NBA'ers

This first NBA'er Michael Jackson tribute comes from the ever amazing Ron Artest. It took him a week, but Ron Ron laid down a track about MJ being his nigga. Artest has the means to turn out jams whenever he wants with a record under his belt on Tru Warier Records...which he also owns. My only question is why does Ron say he'll "see Michael next year"? Is Ron planning something after winning the NBA Championship next season?



Shaq follows Artest with a hilarious "Beat It" tribute involving a bunch of people in bathing suits, plastic knives, and a mis-spelling of "Michael" where he switched the "e" and "a" in text in the intro. What else could you expect from Shaqtus? Wait, what's his nickname now in Cleveland? Who the eff cares.

The NBA and Money

This post will be the first of at least a few that will look at the most humanizing aspect of our beloved NBAers: Skrilla. Windfalls of contract cash have led many-a-athlete to write $250,000 checks on a whim for bogus hotel projects, restaurants, and lame inventions. Not to mention their boys from back in the day and semi-close family members holding their hands out for any stray c-note that is in pocket.

This Cliff Robinson post may be a bit out of order at this point and I may move things around (and delete this sentence) before my research is complete. But isn't it curious that the former Trail Blazer / Sun / Nugget / Warrior / Piston / Participant in the 1994 All-Star Game is the main guy behind Big Baller Registry.com and is having Shaq prop his "Ebay for Ballers" on Twitter?

In all honestly, Big Baller Registry might be a good business idea. I'm sure that those who have extra cash floating around will be interested in owning a recently retired Baller's Bentley. Recently retired Baller now realizes that he has no more $100K/week checks coming to him as he must downsize his lavish mansion and save his now rocky marriage because his lifestyle wife is not used to living like a normal person (see: any Real Housewives episode on Bravo Network).

But having the Shaqtus pimp your website on his THE_REAL_SHAQ Twitter ID screams of "I really need to make more money. I forgot to save, invested in unfit businesses and am now broke as I haven't received a paycheck since May of 2007." And this makes me feel bad for Uncle Cliffy Robinson. Here's what I believe went through his mind as he started off on his Big Baller Registry website:

"I made tons of skrill and gave away & spent most of it all. I no longer receive checks from an NBA owner. I had to sell my crib with a pool, my whips, my watercraft, my jewelry and even my suits. This wasn't easy to do and I feel like I got ripped off on each transaction. But at least I now have some flow in the bank which should hold me over for a 8-10 months. I know many other retired NBA peers who had to sell their gear and are in similar circumstances as me. There should be an easier way to sell your over the top toys. Shit, I'm going to start a website where I'll be the middle man and make 5% on every transaction. Oh hells yeah. Pass the blunt!"

RuPaul vs. Bosh

When Shaq torches Chris Bosh for 45 points and starts calling other centers BBQ chicken, it's time to listen. Methinks that Shaqtus is suddenly feeling rather spry as the work that the Sun's physical trainers have done on/to him has finally started to pay off. How else do you explain Shaq-Fu getting the balls to call Chris Bosh the RuPaul of the NBA?

Shaqovic; Free Throw Artist

Have you guys heard the latest one about Shaqovic, the free throw savant? In two games Mr. O'Neal went 12-12 from the line in clutch situations and credits watching his old high school video tapes where he must have made everything. This has led to Diesel/Superman now referring to himself as a Croatian.

Shaqovic promptly followed up his 12-12 performance with a 6-11 free throw brickfest against the Hawks last night. We may now all go back to referring to him as "The Big Cactus". Thank you.