Monday, January 18, 2010

Do You Suck @ Shooting?

Then please try these amazing products from Hoops King:

1. If you shoot a line drive shot the chances of it going in are slim to fucking none! So we've created a supersize ball to help your ass out. This supersize ball is the same weight as a normal rock, but you better get some fucking arc on that J to get it through the hoop! $24.95 at Hoops King.

2. Your sucky shot may suck because you have a flying elbow. Flying elbows are wacked out big time because you look like you have a damn chicken wing. And that blows ass, my friends. The Shooting Buddy for $16.95 will solve your bullshit Joakim-Noah-sidespinning-junk you be throwing up at the rims on the regs.

3. So your shitty FG% ass can't get that off hand out of the shot, huh? Damn, you suck! I don't care if you ice threes from 4 feet beyond the arc with a two hand set shot. Getting your off hand involved in that shiz will make you look like a frigging CLOWN. The Shooting Strap will pull that off hand away from the ball and you'll be nailing chicks like a mad man after the game! Just $14.95 for some poontang is a small price to pay!

4. Are you some sort of dillhole who doesn't know how to put your hands on a basketball? If you need this product I'd have to guess that you don't know how to put your hands on a sexy female either, do you? Do you flare your pinky out and put some wacked-as-fuck-spin on your layups? Or do you get your palm all up on the ball during your Andris Biedrins-esq free throws? You must not be able to make shit if you do that! You must suck! Well, Hoops King has a product for you. The SkilCoach Shooter for $19.95 will turn you into a hero (from a zero).

5. Real Mutha Fuckin G's get their fingers on the basketball in just the right way in order to impart some net-spanking rotation on their Jumpers. Do you want to be a Real Mutha Fuckin G? I thought so! Get your damn palm off the rock when you launch with the Shot-Loc for only $19.99. Do it!

6. There are some jerkwads who think that shooting like Michael Redd with your arm all cocked and behind your head is the way to earn millions in the NBA. Well those assholes are WRONG! You need a 90 degree angle to be a ballin' ass baller these days. No more fancy pants ball chucking for you! For only $39.99 the Form Trainer is yours! Ahhh!!

Please visit us at for more super-intense shit that'll take your weak sauce game to the next level! Scream when you dribble!! Give us your money!!

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