Sunday, June 28, 2009

Pre-Draft Press Photo Phun

Catching these guys in these clothes in this setting two days before the draft is indeed rare air. Aside from that amazingly bland guy who's "going to be on Letterman" named Blake Griffin, every one of these guys didn't know where they were going to get drafted/how much they were going to get paid at this particular moment in time. The nervous innocence of the unknown is in each of these guy's eyes, and that is awesome.

Blake Griffin: the swagger that comes with certainty leads Blake to dribble two brand-new Spauldings like a jackoff and hang his phallic tie between his legs. I bet this picture turns NBA groupies on as the Spauldings indeed look like testies and the tie is obviously his wang. Something tells me that because Griffin is such a big man, his junk doesn't look proportional.

For a seven-footer, Thebeet actually looks like a normal person. His arms are cocked just-so, his lower body isn't in frame, and his head bone seems proportional to his upper body bone. The smile puts us at ease and his shrug says to us "hey man, where ever I get drafted is just fine with me". Maybe, like Blake, Hasheem knew he was going to get picked second/get paid. The only question is if that sweater was a triple or quadruple XL.

For all the talk of Ricky not having played basketball for a month and, therefore, failing his man vs. chair workout for Sac Kings braintrust Petrie and Westphal; Rubio sure seems to be handling the rock with ease while in dress shoes. This, along with the floppy hairdo and ability to pass in crazy ways, proves to me that Ricky will be the next Steve Nash. It has nothing to do with them both being white non-American point guards. Nothing at all. I can see past color. My one question with Rubio is who the hell wears a blazer with a golf shirt underneath yet still sports the pocket square? I mean, decide on your look here my Spanish friend: are you formal or are you casual? And while you're at it, please answer me why it was OK with you to play in Sacramento but not in Minnesota? Is Sac really that much better? Who's advising this guy?

Speaking of the Kings, here is Tyreke Evans posing for his High School picture. No, not the photo snapped for the yearbook. But the one where you get to hold something that defines you, like a basketball, that your mom ordered in wallet size and one 8 by 10 that is put in a nice wooden frame, and displayed in the middle of the shelf dedicated to showing off your 31 basketball trophies you've accumulated by the time you were a Senior.
*NBA Photographer: "hey, Tyreke my man. Why don't you do some dribbling and smile for America?"
*Tyreke: "Nah, that's alright"
*NP: "well, the world wants to see what you've us your flair!"
*T: "I said, 'Nah', alright?"
*NP: "OK, let's just have you sit down right here holding the ball"

The polar opposite of Tyreke comes in next. All attitude, 100% flair. "I OWN this rock, muthafcuka" Jennings says in this snap. Brandon is all business, yet all fun at the same time. But most of all his game revolves around confidence. Gutsy enough to pass on Arizona to be the first High School graduate to play overseas (Italy) and call Ricky Rubio overrated, Brandon doesn't give a fcuk if he's drafted 5th or 25th. He doesn't care if he shows up late to the draft or if social networking gets him in trouble as he keeps it real. Lookout, world. Brandon Jennings is here.

You know who else is here? Tyler Hansbrough, y'all. Tyler will win National Player of the Year as Junior, pass JJ Redick as the all-time ACC scoring leader, get drafted by the Pacers joining fellow teammates Mike Dunleavy, Troy Murphy, Jeff Foster and Travis Diener to potentially produce the first All-White-American lineup in the NBA since 1967, AND will sell you life insurance with his off-kilter belt and pleated khaki colored slacks. Can't wait.

Awkward? Yes. Jordan Hill doesn't own a suit. Jordan Hill hired an agent who didn't think to get him a stylist for the NBA Pre-Draft Photo Shoot. Jordan Hill's photo session was right in between Jrue Holliday's and Brandon Jennings' so there wasn't a fellow seven-footer around who he could borrow a blazer from. It's been 4 years since Jordan Hill's cousin's wedding when he last had to wear a shirt that buttoned up. Jordan Hill is just going to hold a basketball in each of his hands and get the hell back to the hotel.

Um, why does the ball look so huge in relation to Stephen Curry? Is he REALLY 6'3"? People are calling Steph a point guard, even though he didn't play one in college. If he wanted to be seen as a Point Guard, you think that Steph would have held the Spaulding in a passing-manner instead of perfectly on his finger tips ready to launch a sweet three. Say nothing of his "come & get it, ladies" pelvic exposure and pinstripe pant + pattern sock combo.

Professor of Basketball, Syracuse University, Jonny Flynn, PHD. Jonny likes the style of Dwight Howard and coped his "Tight Sweater" look with perfection. Welcome to the first day of class, sukkas, Professor Flynn is 'bout to teach you a little sumthin' sumthin' about scoring 34 points in 6 Overtimes. But even Professors need to learn things such as how one is going to play alongside fellow rookie PG Ricky Rubio. Is new GM David Kahn an idiot? I say YES

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