Monday, October 27, 2008

Crazy Points Tracker: Delonte West

Dear Nextians,

Our first Crazy Tracker project has been put out on Delonte West of the Cleveland Cavaliers. Three years ago when Delonte was putting up solid numbers on a terrible Boston Celtics squad, Mr. Lip Fungus talked about his perfect Valentines Day celebration:

“So, I pick her up in my white convertible. From there, I’d have the music pumping on the radio. The Jim Jones pumping, you know, ‘Summer in Miami’ song pumping. Got to keep a little gangsta, you can’t be too soft. You can’t be in there playing some guy that’s crying, talking about don’t leave me and love me baby, wah wah and all that. So Jim Jones pumping and then from there, wind blowing through the hair, boom, we get straight to the point — we eat afterwards because I don’t want to kiss no onions. I don’t want to kiss you tasting like onions and steak and mushrooms and everything.”

“Yeah, we’re going to my yacht. We’ll pull up at the docks and got a guy waiting for us, open our door up and we walk down a lit-up dock and onto the yacht, where we have dinner set up on the boat and we just cruise out on the water. Sit down and have some dinner, some shrimps and steaks, keep it nice and breezy. Pop some bottles, some Moet Rose. The red Moet, we ain’t popping no Kristal, it tastes like urination. We ain’t popping no Kris, that’s $500 a bottle. It ain’t that serious. It ain’t going to get you drunk. Make sure you put that in there. We ain’t doing a $500 bottle, we’re doing a $99 wine and dine.”

“OK, so from there, we’re doing a midnight skinny-dipping jump. Alright? From there, hopefully she’s got money because I hope Jaws gets her, boom, make sure she got me in the will, bank, I’m good. Oh well, shark got her! Jaws got her. Nah, we ain’t going there.”

“One more thing: When we’re on the yacht eating, we’re going to have some Popeyes chicken. That’s for dinner. It’s to let her know, put a mental image on her mind, first and foremost, if you ain’t from the hood, you don’t like Popeyes chicken. Everyone there loves Popeyes chicken and the biscuits — phew. But that’s just getting it on her mind, saying, you know, ‘Yeah, I can wine and dine you, but I’m a little rough around the edges and I’m keeping it real with you. I can be romantic, but this is real, we’re going to eat some chicken tonight. Chicken and biscuits.”

Later in the year, Delonte tries to break up with his girlfriend, Caryn Taylor, who then proceeds to go APE SHIT on him. So much so that Mr. Lip had to file assault charges.

Now we learn that Jameer Nelson's former St. Joes sidekick is being treated for depression. Apparently Delonte freaked out on a high school ref who was officiating a Cavs practice game and realized that he had some serious mental issues that needed immediate medical attention.

Nextians, I call upon all of you not to mock Mr. West in his time of need. I'm not going so far to say that you should put him on your fantasy squad as 2007 East Coast Finals Media Darling Boobie Gibson appears to have the leg up on the SG spot at this point. But let's at least realize that Delonte needs our support to grow as a real human being. The NBA is a hard life to live at times and I applaud someone who is dealing with their issues head on. Delonte The Lip West, godspeed my friend. Godspeed.
8/10 Crazy Points

1 comment:

Turd Ferguson said...

That's right, and Turd employs Delonte!