Punked: The Utah Jazz Edition

Check out this poor Mormon getting totally Kuchered during a recent halftime of a Utah Jazz game. Hilarious.



But even more hilarious/weird is Announcer/Former Spot Up Shooter Reggie Miller's "choke" reaction in the 2nd half of the video. Was Reggie trying to say that this guy choked on a blind folded half court attempt? I don't get it. And neither did Marv Albert.

Monta Ellis: Ripping It Up

You gotta love Bethlehem Shoals' take on Monta Ellis in his current sans Stack Jack and Nellie situation. How much longer is Nellie out? Hopefully a few more months.

Nextians Weekend; Pre-Trade Summit Research

Here on Donner Lake with 4 fellow Nextians. Numbers have been flying around this morning with guys determining who they can trade with at the Trade Summit this evening. Potential trades are being hashed out over eggs, mimosas and Dos Equis.




But not so fast, my friends. It's off to Reno in an hour to place some prop bets on NBA champs and this evenings games. Upon our arrival back in Donner, the Trade Summit will begin. Amazing things will happen.

Ron Artest: Workout Video

I am thisclose to transcribing the lyrics of this terrible video/song titled "Workout" by Ron Artest. He "raps" about sweating out alcohol and being caught with coke in his nose. Not to mention his really bad lip syncing during the alley way shots or the "Adrienne!" screams at the end of the vid.

Ron Artest: Blind

Please, please, please tell me that Ron Artest spends his own money making his music videos. Like, how much did he have to pay that Asian stripper to pretend to be his girlfriend? And how much did that "Lakers" shirt cost? Tru Warier Records is coming up big with this joint.



Also, did you see Ron-Ron chuck Ariza's shoe the other night? The tru deafinision of sportzmanship:

We Believe: Remember the 2007 Roster?

Since '07 the Warriors have lost or traded:

Baron Davis
Al Harrington
Stephen Jackson
Jason Richardson
Mickael Pietrus
Matt Barnes
Marco Belinelli

Instead the Warriors now have:

Vladamir Radmanovic
Raja Bell
Corey Maggette
Ronny Turiaf
Devan George
Brandon Wright
Speedy Claxton

Monta Ellis, Kelenna Azubuike and Andris Biedrins are the only We Believers that remain. This really hurts. Thanks to Tim Kawakami for this revelation. I pretty much ripped him off word for word on this but I just wanted to feel the pain while typing these names. Holy Jeebus.

Goodbye Stack Jack/Traitor

We fondly bid adeu to Stack Jack. Thank you for 2007. Fuck you for 2009, you heartless assface. Best of luck getting along with Larry Brown. Crash Wallace is going to school you in practice. You will soon learn what really playing SF/SG is all about. I'm booing you when you come back to the Oracle like 3000 times harder than I boo Baron.

Warning: Ninjas Coming

I heard that officials have spotted swarms of active Ninjas down in Santa Monica in Southern California. Experts say that they are making their way north to the Bay Area to wreak havoc on shit.

Don't say that I didn't fucking warn you guys.

Barkley Becomes Sammy Sosa

Yes, Chuck Barkely is black and proud. And he can get away with anything in the world. WTF is this?



Thanks to Ball Don't Lie who go this from The Huffington Post

And just in case you haven't yet seen the Sosa transformation yet:

the Do The Steve Nash! dance

I predict that this dance will be all the rage on playgrounds across Canada this fall.

Check out Shoals' analysis HERE

Update on Gretzky's House

More on the Dykstra drama:



Also, peep this funny as heck article on Dykstra's current situation:

CHECK IT

Thanks to Bilbo for this information.

Dock Ellis No Hitter

This is an animated short by No Mas about the fabled, but real, Dock Ellis LSD No Hitter. Not basketball, but once again too awesome not to post.

Simmons on Kimmel

On Tuesday 11/10/09 Bill Simmons was on Jimmy Kimmel pimping his 700 page Book of Basketball, which is now a NYT #1 Best Seller. Congratst to Simmons I guess. Is he the richest sports writer of all time now? Anyway, check out the clips of that interview:

Prodigy in Israel?

The first American to skip his Senior Year of High School and go overseas to play basketball is having a tough time adjusting. Is not graduating High School to make $250K a good idea for the kid who wants to be an NBA lottery pick in 2011? It doesn't sound like it so far. But at least his girlfriend is Easy-E's daughter (RIP).


Brandon Jennings laid the groundwork and is currently viewed as a success story (18/4/4 so far for the Bucks) for those NBA-bound ballers who suck at school, want to make some cash instead of make the NCAA cash, and have a thick skin to adopt to pro ball life overseas. Brandon did have his rough spots up until this season. But Jeremy Tyler just seems plain immature. Peep the NYT article below

CHECK IT

Dude Perfect

The dicks behind the tricks.

Warriors Soap Opera; 11/9/09 Edition

Yes, the Warriors had ANOTHER BEAT DOWN last night losing to the Kevin Martin-less Kings.

After last night's loss, Stephen Jackson's Agent had a telephone interview with Broussard of ESPN and said THIS

Golden State of Mind (the Warriors offical fan blog) then questioned who the hell this Agent think's he is? CHECK IT

Corey "The 50 Million Dollar Kid" Maggette proceeded to say that the team is in CHAOS

NBA's "Behind The Backboard" Camera; 11/8/09

The "Behind The Glass Backboard" camera at NBA games takes some sweet action shots. Such an interesting angle, so many amazing looks captured forever on digital storage devices. It's so cool that I often dream about being minaturized and sitting behind the glass. Please Professor Frink, make this happen! Let's have a look at Amare's dunk during the Sun's 102-90 win at Washington last night:



One's eye immediately goes to Amare's Oakley Blades which were often blogged about by me last year. He lost the yellow shade lens, but boy are those things awesome. Word on the calle is that Amare hates wearing these things but whole "detached retna" injury which caused him to sit on his ass for 5 months got him thinking that they're necessary. Way to use your big brain, Amare.

The vision is then focused on Amare's underarm deodorant. Thankfully, he wants to smell good for the games. I'm guessing it's Degree 360 by the looks it.

Now that's some great defense by Deshawn! This idiot is in ultimate "there's no WAY I'm getting infront of that" scared mode. Nice neck beard and non-Lebron Adidas kicks by the way. Did Gilbert hook you up with some Adidas? Also, nice neck tatoo.

The best aspect of this phun with photo has to be Caron Butler at the top of the key. What in the hell is he doing? Is he so disgusted by The Wiz defense that he is hiding his eyes from a vicious Stoudamire dunk? Is he complaining to the ref that he got held? Is he checking his watch? Is he signaling to the Wizards bench? We shall never know the truth.

And this is why pictures tell 1000 stories. Or at least 4.

The Only Women's Soccer Video Ever Posted Here

.........and I'm pretty sure you'll figure out why I'm posting this in about 1.5 minutes after pressing play:

We Are Douchebags.

A douchebag wearing a Lakers jersey? Who woulda thunk it!?

Tim Lincecum smokes weed, who'da thunk it??!!

This is off the topic of NBA, but too good not to post. Yeah, an 1/8th of chronic is "small" to have for personal use?! Maybe at home in your drawer or if you're Snoop Dog -- but on your car ride?! He must have just swooped the sack up from his homeboys place. Anyone non-famous would have been sent to jail.

SEATTLE (AP)—San Francisco Giants star pitcher Tim Lincecum(notes) is facing misdemeanor marijuana charges following a traffic stop in his home state.

Washington State Patrol spokesman Steve Schatzel said Thursday that the 2008 Cy Young Award winner and former star at the University of Washington was pulled over for speeding on Interstate 5 about four miles north of the Oregon border on Oct. 30.

An officer approached Lincecum’s 2006 Mercedes and smelled marijuana. Schatzel says Lincecum immediately complied with a request to hand over the drug and a marijuana pipe.

The amount measured was 3.3 grams. Schatzel says police consider that a small amount for personal use.

Lincecum was fined a total of $622 for driving at 74 mph in a 60-mph zone, and for possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia.

My 2nd Favorite Team

I entered a contest on Ball Don't Lie Dot Com to win a free subscription to League Pass. The request was to write why you just can't miss an upcoming game on League Pass that you wouldn't see if you didn't have League Pass. Here's my half hearted entry:



My 2nd Favorite Team:

The December 16th, 2009 on NBA League Pass will begin the battle for my second favorite team: the Houston Rockets vs. the Denver Nuggets. A San Francisco Bay Area born and raised bleed-orange/blue/yellow Warriors fan at heart, the need for a second favorite team to follow has been always been apart of my NBA fandom dilemma. Heck, the Warriors are every other true NBA fan’s 2nd Favorite Team so it’s about time I choose one, starting this season. Relying solely on the soap opera that is this season’s Golden State Warriors without a backup team certainly points to an incredibly frustrating hit on not only my love of the Dubs (WHY IS RANDOLPH NOT GETTING MINUTES?!?!), but for my love of the NBA as a whole. I need a 2nd Favorite Team.

Basketball Prospectus devouring, daily Ball Don’t Lie reads, True Hoop RSS feeds, and intense analysis of Shoals prose on Free Darko and The Baseline have brought me to the epic December 16th, matchup between Houston and Denver.

Not a mortal enemy of the Warriors? Check. A solid organization who is trending upwards? Double check. A team that isn’t routinely touted by all of the talking heads on TV (Oklahoma City)? Oh heck yeah.

I am letting this matchup decide who my 2nd Favorite Team will be for the remainder of the season because at this point, I am honestly stuck on who to choose. Do I take a crew of outcasts and misfits that play with more intensity and swagger than anyone else in the league? A crew that somehow George Karl, of all coaches, has figured out how to harness and direct their craziness towards winning? Or do I go with the Dork Elvis created role players who will morph into a team that does whatever it takes to win. Ariza? Brooks? Scola? Will these guys emerge as top tier NBA producers? I need to become a true fan of one of these teams.

It won’t even say that the winner of this game will win my fandom. It will be a battle for my emotions which do not only recognize the score.

Skeets and KD, I need to see this game to decide! And without League Pass to see this game, this decision will haunt me for the entirety of the season.

NBA Highlights: Wed 11/4

As JE Skeets says, the Backboard Pass is the future, son. Check out last night's NBA highlights with Jameer's dish to D-How being the most NEXT:

Syracuse Loses to DII School!

That's right, I thought it was hilarious and awesome too. It sucks the highlights are only from the end of the game. Le Moyne, a DII school also from 'cuse pulled off a biggie! It's only exhibition, but those players should still totally get more laid than if they lost.

Friday 11/6/09; (some) Nextians @ The Warriors Game!

Toomie is gathering some craigslist tickets for the game this Friday vs. The Clip Show. Should be a good time. I'm not sure if he can get a bunch of tickets for all of us (we can ask him) but I thought I'd throw out the invite to our loyal readership. Actually, Toomie runs the YeeBA and this is an official Yee event. But if you want to go to the game, get some tickets let's totally tailgate beforehand and take some pictures and party on BART all the way home. Yeee.

At least this was a good excuse to post our picture from last year's official Nextians Warriors Game Event.

Teen Wolf Championship Game; With Stats!

Enjoy this video of Scott Arnold's final game with stats. Note: his squad won even though he wasn't Teen Wolf, which is the big 80's themed lesson of the entire movie.