LeBron beat at H.O.R.S.E.

This normal everyday average homeboy puts down some circus moves to beat LeBron James at H.O.R.S.E.

By the way, the Nextian league meeting will involve games of drunken H.O.R.S.E. So get your shits ready.

What is a Nextian?

Some people over the years have asked me "what is a Nextian?" Aside from the obvious derivation from a former Women's 'Professional' Basketball league slogan that won't be mentioned, a true Nextian is much more. We Nextians dislike women's professional basketball, but hold nothing against the women's college game. We follow NBA action with job harming fervor. We manage fantasy NBA squads and live or die by figuring out which NBA'ers are indeed Next.

Knowing what happens Next in life is a skill that few have had, currently have, or will have. It's the skill many claim but not many can actually pull off. The Vegas dickholes on early Saturday morning talk radio say they know the sure-fire lock of the week. But that's not Next. That's just a bunch of algorithmic mathemagical BS that's played against the spread. True Nextians know what will happen when someone is finally given a chance. They invest little cost in their choices which make the potential and eventual return that much greater and more exciting. Getting Kobe with the 3rd overall pick is not Nextian. It's common sense. Grabbing Bargnani off the waivers a week before Jermaine O'Neal got hurt just because you knew he was playing like shit is Next. Having the forsight to draft Chris Duhon or Paul Millsap in the 12th round is really fucking Next.

While ESPN searches for who's "Now" (LeBron and Tiger), they cannot do more than guess who is Next. Nextians throw the annual "Who's Next?" issue of ESPN Mag in the trash/recycle bin.

Numbers do not tell you who's Next. Next starts and ends with style. Which player's game exudes the confident flair that just seems extra ordinary? We're talkin' deuce chills when you see the guy ball. It's a sense of "holy crap" you get when you watch someone stroke their paintbrush. Think Ramon Sessions dishing out solid dimes with gusto. Think about the first time you saw Monta Ellis dominate someone off the dribble. Josh Smiff? Crash Wallace? You knew they were Next. D'Andre Jordan sucks even though he got 20 boards against the Warriors. Eddie House is a douche even though he's hit a bunch of threes lately. These guys are in no way Next. Getting 20 boards vs. the worst defensive team in the league makes you good, but not Next. Having three All Stars hit you with open looks from the arch doesn't make you great. Shit, even JJ Reddick can shoot the ball. I once saw this old guy make 100 free throws in a row while giving a speech about life at Stanford basketball camp when I was 12. That guy was more "douche" than "Next".

So there you have it. This post which I worked on at various points during the week is strikingly similar to Bill Simmons article about the Underrated but don't let that deter you from our definition. One of us will be an NBA scout some day. Or maybe we won't.

Double Alley Oop Team Strikes Again!

The Westchester Country Day School Team does it again! This clip is pretty dope but it seems like the first 'Ooper could have laid it in or dunked it down. Not quite as impressive but these kids could seriously be changing the game.

Jazz Euro Dance Off

Who do you think has better dance skill? The Ukrainian Kyrylo Fesenko or the Greek Kosta Koufos?



Personally, I'd go Greek. Wait a second, that doesn't sound right. I may be missing something here but I think that I just admitted I'm gay. Anyway, here's another view of Fesenko's moves when totally serving Koufos:



Thanks be to Ball Don't Lie for allowing The Nextians to rip off their post.

Ballers Kissing

Most of you don't follow the wizards the way I do, so you probably missed this. Enjoy....




Turd get your hand out of your pants.

GP & C-Webb; Things Done Get Crazy

Many talk radio programs this morning were talking about Gary Payton and Chris Webber on last night's NBA on TNT program. In case you didn't see it, things done got a little crazy (and EJ didn't know how to reign them in):



But as we mentioned a few weeks back, Tha Glove and C-Webb are WAY more entertaining/crazy/annoying for 6 hours on NBA TV on Tuesday nights (channel 416 for you SF peeps). Here's a sample of their normal shenanigans with Ahmad Rashad getting a piece of the fist-bump action:



Bottom line: these guys have one upped Barkley at his own game. Chuck's drunken suspension has opened the door for more madness than most can handle. Hopefully Commish Stern hasn't caught wind of this yet.

The Alley-Oop 2.0

As we all learned in the previous post, Will Ferrell's black mother invented the Alley-Oop in the 1970's. Now here in 2009 we have Ike Nwamu and Deuce Bello of Westchester Country Day School pulling off some next-level 'ish with the Double Alley-Oop. Thanks to Ball Don't Lie for the next-level post.

Invention of the Alley-Oop

I'm not sure if you guys caught last year's semi-classic Will Ferrell movie called Semi-Pro, but this is one of the more hilarious scenes. Woody Harrelson calling someone a pussy, Will Farrell being Will Farrell but now in a basketball movie, Andre 3000's fro.........this one's a must see:

Basketball is the new Golf

With President Elect Barak Obama set to take office, our national sport seems to be changing from stuffy old golf to baloncesta. That's "basketball" to all you american assholes who don't know a foreign language (since we're supposedly international now, thanks Tommy). In this video Senator Herb Kohl (Milwaukee Bucks owner) asks future US Attorney General Eric Holder about playing Obama in basketball:



Free Darko has a great take on this video and the whole issue in general. Free Darko also links to another pretty damn in-depth article on basketball's influence on Obama.

Pretty much, just read Free Darko as I am really adding nothing new to this topic.

Nextians Reaches the 10-Country Benchmark

Guys, I thought we should all know just how international this blog has become.  According to Google, who knows everything, we've had blog readers from the following international hotbeds of hoops:

1. USA
   
2. Australia
   
3. Canada
   
4. Romania
   
5. Singapore
   
6. Italy
   
7. Serbia
   
8. UK
   
9. Turkey
   
10. Germany

Granted, the last 6 on the list have only one visit each, but we're at least making some international noise.  Cam, when are you gonna put some ads on this thing and start making some straight cash homie?

Kobe Sells Ankle Insurance

Here is a pretty funny commercial starring Kobe and promoting Kobe's Nike Zoom 4's but totally not written by Kobe. Kobe is not funny.

Learn about deez shewz HERE. Watch the commercial BELOW:

World Series of Beer Pong

Dudes, let's start practicing for next year, 70% accuracy...we can beat that!

http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?id=3831916

Shaqovic; Free Throw Artist

Have you guys heard the latest one about Shaqovic, the free throw savant? In two games Mr. O'Neal went 12-12 from the line in clutch situations and credits watching his old high school video tapes where he must have made everything. This has led to Diesel/Superman now referring to himself as a Croatian.

Shaqovic promptly followed up his 12-12 performance with a 6-11 free throw brickfest against the Hawks last night. We may now all go back to referring to him as "The Big Cactus". Thank you.

Eddy Curry; Nasty

Recent allegations from Eddy Curry's driver are very strange. Apparently, Curry is one sick fcuk.

The strange thing is that it sounds like all New York Knicks get their own personal driver. Jamal Crawford must feel like a peasant these days as he probably has to drive the Bay Bridge in his own Bentley from SF to Oracle.

Monta at Practice

Just look at how quick the Mississippi Bullet is moving at the Warriors practice 2 days ago. And SJ Mercury writer Tim Kawakami said that Monta would never wear a Warriors jersey again. Take that you hater!

Bitchface of the Day: Mike Dunleavy of the DunMurphy Sisters

Quite a win last night for the hapless Warriors! They played some defense, hustled a bit, withstood 42 points by the #3 Overall fantasy player Danny Granger, and were clutch when J. Craw hit the big time 3 with 11 seconds remaining.


At first, it was fun to see the DunMurphy Sisters back in Tha Bay. Messy hair, fake hustle, flopping.........these "guys" will be forever linked. Please let them finish out the careers together. It's only right. And just remember, trading away these two lads with Diogu allowed us to Shock The World with the greatest playoff upset of all time. So to the haters, "yes" the Warriors still came out on top in that trade no matter what the current Dub situation is at this point.


But what was fun and games turned into a "I wanna choke that guy!" moment. Here's Dunleavy pulling a Bruce Bowen on our very own Marco "Rocky" Belinelli. The full video is pretty cool until the 2:15 mark when Bruce Dunleavy strikes:



Our thoughts are with Marco during his time of need.

Can You Say "Kobe Sucks"?

I can (but only when he kicks the Warriors' asses or becomes a bitchface and doesn't shoot in the 2nd half of that playoff game vs. the Suns a few years back or when he shoots an airball last second shot when two of his teammates are wide frigging open or when......) . And so can this little girl who's Dad is obviously a Blazers Fan/Fag:

I feel like I am in a Movie...

So...

I am teaching a 2 unit Intro to Teaching class at the University of San Francisco this semester on Monday evenings. I received my class list last night and I currently have 11 students signed up for my class. The number may go up, but it is capped at 15.

They have a feature that allows me to see not only the names of the students in my class, but their pictures as well. So far, the demographics of the class are as follows:

Nuber of students: 11
Number of Females: 11
Number of Males: 0
Age Range: 18 - 19

I must disclaim that I am completely professional and take all my work in education seriously, however, imagine there will be some fun stories to share once the class starts on Jan 26. Stay tunes...

Tyson Chandler; Bitchface

Here is some video of the Pryzbilla vs. Chandler skirmish from the other night. Chandler slaps Pryzie's hand off of his chest, Pryz throws a weak ass "WTF?" elbow, and Chandler drops the forearm punch. A real punch gets you suspended. Chandler got the flagrant 2 and was ejected.

NBA Action: It's FANtastic!

WARNING

this post is unrelated to basketball.

However, next year during the nextian street ball tourney. dont bother yelling "OUTLET, OUTLET, OUTLET" when cameron cleans the glass like a sober sir charles. he won't hear you :(

Ping!

I Love Technology

But not as much as I love you.

But I still love technology. Always and forever (shout out to Kip).