Showing posts with label The Macrophenomenal Pro Basketball Almanac. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Macrophenomenal Pro Basketball Almanac. Show all posts

Friday, November 28, 2008

Macrophenomenal Kobe



(Below is excerpted from Free Darko's The Macrophenomenal Pro Basketball Almanac. It is about Kobe Bryant, from the chapter on "Master Builders", a group "For whom dominance has become a truism.")
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Check the resume—it's absolutely impeccable. A 6'6" shooting guard with limitless physical tools, a hell-bent perfectionist, he works tirelessly to condition his body and enhance his game. He's fearless in the clutch, voraciously competitive, and serious to the point of bleakness.

You couldn't script a more stellar career, or offer up a stronger candidate for the league's all-around finest. And yet no superstar has cut a stormier path than Kobe Bean Bryant. Kobe may be the Great American Shooting Guard—and indeed, he has spent his whole life aspiring to this kind of abstract dignity. But just as Moby Dick defines our national literature despite its rollicking imperfections, Kobe's drives and desires have made him equal parts pristine legend and unwieldy mess of humanity.

Paired with Shaquille O'Neal, Kobe was supposed to bring on a new Lakers golden age—and he did, once Hall of Fame coach Phil Jackson stepped into the scene. However, Kobe and Shaq could not have been more different, and eventually clashed because of it. The world saw the three-peat, but inside the Lakers, tensions came to a simmer, especially when Shaq's conditioning and work ethic flagged. Many read this as Kobe's ego crying out, dying to take control of the team. But it was just as likely his deep-seated sense of justice.

A certain duality has always been present in his game: Kobe is both the league's smartest player and one of its most impulsive. Once, Bryant was a propulsive slasher with an uncommon midrange game. Now, when he's met by a defender, the curtain rises on an interaction of frightening detail and determination. Only Tim Duncan is as adept at milking every single square inch of space, in a precise, Terminator-like assessment of complex obstacles. But for Duncan, the action's near the basket, and the shots—aided by Duncan's height—tend to resolve into something fairly routine. Kobe, operating all over the floor, doesn't take the simple shot, throw up prayers, or gamble on his pride. He figures out how to make the impossible shot viable, going out of his way to demonstrate his superiority.

During the Lakers' lean years, Bryant struggled with his own inability to make an inferior team into a winner. In May 2007, after being ousted in the first round of the playoffs yet again, Bryant exploded, telling any and all media outlets that he wanted out of L.A. Rumors abounded, and several important-sounding meetings took place, but that fall Kobe was still a Laker. He was chummier than ever with his teammates, and had made a point of reaching out to Bynum, who suddenly blossomed, before being waylaid by injuries. The Lakers swung a one-sided deal for Memphis big man Pau Gasol and suddenly possessed the West's most imposing line-up, taking them straight to the Finals.

What exactly had happened between spring and fall? Had Kobe lost control, let out his frustration, and then thought better of it? Was it all a Machiavellian public relations coup on the part of Bryant, who ended up getting the help he wanted? Had he set foot in camp and instantly realized that Bynum was ready to contribute? Did he actually feel betrayed by the organization, emotionally wounded, or just irritated that they'd impeded his still-vital career?

We'll never know the real answer. But most likely, there's a grain of truth in all corners. And that's why Kobe Bryant would fascinate us even if he weren't the world's best basketball player. For in addition to his mastery of basketball—the kind of catch-all supremacy that's led him to pick up Duncan's bank shot—Bryant's also a study in what happens when the drives and desires of greatness fly off the rails and exposes all of its inherent contradictions. To his detractors, Kobe Bryant is Dracula: a spooky, inhuman being that gets s**t done. Starstruck fans regard him as the epitome of glitz, glam, and accomplishment. In truth, he's that most stormy, and mortal, kind of great man. If Shaquille O'Neal always represented Superman, then Kobe's been the Dark Knight: vulnerable, but all the stronger for it.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Stephen Jackson For Mayor

Here's the excerpt on "Mayors" from the book I've been constantly touting. I'm trying to get a merchant link from Free Darko or Amazon so that I can make $4 when Jeff and Markwith buy it from The Nextians.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Rasheed Wallace Profile



Name: Rasheed Abdul Wallace

Spirit animal: Egyptian mongoose

What he gives us: A role player's attitude with a superstar's game.

Why we care: At some level, everybody wants to strangle somebody else.

Notable remark: "Some people say I'm mean and this and that. On one hand that's cool. That keeps away all the riffraff and all the bugaboos."

Distinguishing marks: On his right arm is a tattoo depicting Akhenaton, the pharaoh who introduced monotheism to ancient Egypt by worshiping the sun god Ra.

Knowledge seed with no jewelry on: After winning the 2004 NBA title, Rasheed made WWE-style belts for himself and his Pistons teammates.

While Kevin Garnett and Dirk Nowitzki are generally given credit for reinventing the power forward position over the past 15 years, Rasheed Wallace's contributions are too often overlooked. At a full 6 feet 11 inches, the incredibly athletic Wallace runs the floor like a guard and possesses an unblockable jump shot, with a range that's out past the 3-point line. And unlike many of the big men who have followed in his path, Wallace's skills aren't limited to the perimeter; he has a complete post game with an array of back-to-the-basket moves and is one of the best post defenders in the league. During one NBA on TNT broadcast, Charles Barkley and Kenny Smith flummoxed host Ernie Johnson by insisting that Wallace could be one of the top five players in the league if only he really applied himself.




Wallace's reluctant dominance made him a perfect fit for the Detroit Pistons, a team of ballsy, hardheaded vets whose swagger was a collective effort. When he arrived there in 2004, he found a team of kindred souls—a bunch of castoffs with boulder-size chips on their shoulders and enough resources to get them to the Eastern Conference Finals the season prior. Rasheed put them over the top, solidifying their interior defense and finally giving them a dependable offensive weapon in the post. More importantly, Chauncey Billups' early work in cultivating his reputation as "Mr. Big Shot," along with Ben Wallace's bulging biceps and throwback Afro, was more than enough to keep the attention off Rasheed. When the Pistons pulled off a shocking 4-1 upset of the Lakers to bring home the title and Wallace was celebrated as the missing puzzle piece who had made it all possible, it was a part he enthusiastically embraced. While he may not always be humble or servile, Sheed's greatest pride is reserved for team, rather than individual, success.



From: The Macrophenomenal Pro Basketball Almanac

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Stack Jack for Mayor

You heard it here first. Stack Jack makin' love to pressure all the way to City Hall: